


First case of feelings

by wonderfulfanofall



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Other, Slow Build, Slow Burn, This is going to be a long one, bare with me, becareful with the reading, hope its ok, its like an svu episode, my first svu fic, so ill put warnings before chapters, soo much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulfanofall/pseuds/wonderfulfanofall
Summary: Life in svu is never easy for anyone. But, when a certain witness and possible victim takes interest in A.D.A. Barba, things get more complicated than normal.





	1. First report

**Author's Note:**

> Yo! This is my first svu fic so please bare with me! Be careful reading becasue it'll be like an svu episode. thank you for reading!

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous.  
In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.  *dun dun*

                          *                                     *                                      *

It had been a rather slow day for the S.V.U. team. Two days prior they wrapped up a case and had a little vacation. Everyone was back now, with the usual hellos and coffee in the morning and pizza in the afternoon. Fin was showing pictures of the recent ultra sounds of his future grandchild. 

 "Yeah, my son found a surrogate mother. Now I get to join the baby club," Fin said proudly.

 "I like to see you handle a kid again," Rollins joked.

 "I love kids, congratulations, Fin," Sonny smiled.

 "You should start your own babysitting service then," Olivia said.

A girl with blond hair and yesterday's make up walked in, looking scared and confused. She looked to the smiling detectives then turned around. Benson noticed and approached the blond cautiously. 

 "Hi, I'm sergeant Benson, can I help you with anything?" Olivia said in a calming voice.

The blond sighed and nodded 'yes'.

 "I-I think I was... raped?" the blond said, tears forming in her eyes.

 "Okay, we're here to help. Why don't you come with us and tell me everything, okay?"

 "Liv-"

 "Rollins, come with me. This is detective Rollins, we're going to help, okay?"

 "Okay," the blond said.

Olivia and Rollins lead the blond to another room and sat down at the round table.

 "All right, why don't you tell us your name?" Olivia said.

 "Dolores, but my friends call me Dolly," the blond said. 

 "All right, Dolly, why don't you tell us what happened. Make sure to tell us everything, we want to make this accurate as possible for the report, okay?"

 "Well," Dolly started, "I was at a bar, and I met this guy. He was buying me drinks and I felt fuzzy, and I wanted to go home. I got in his car and I thought he was taking me home, but we went to his place instead. I thought it was my apartments, but it wasn't and once I realized it I said I wanted to go home. He pushed me into his apartment, pinned me to the floor and... and..." the blond trailed off.

 "Okay, can you give me a description of the man, or his name?" Rollins asked.

 "He said they call him 'Anthony Dream'. He was tall, light tan skin, green eyes, and a scar on his lip... The lights messed up the rest-"

 "Okay, thank you, anything else you can tell us?" Benson asked.

 "I... I was using google maps to help him get to my place, I have his address. It's been three days, I didn't know if it counts because I kissed him at the bar-"

 "It does. If you said no it counts," Olivia reassured Dolly.

Dolly started crying, Rollins handed her a box of tissues and turned to Olivia. 

 "Okay, Rollins is going to take you to the hospital for a rape kit, I'll go and get this guy," Olivia said.

 "Thank you," Dolly cried.

 

 

 "So, the blond had his address, this is to easy," Fin said.

 "Yeah, well don't jinx it," Olivia said.

 

You had been cleaning all morning, you lived in a cheap apartment with your boyfriend. Well, you wouldn't say live, you slept here every so often and when you couldn't you just stayed out partying. It wasn't the ideal choice, but better than sleeping on the streets. This morning, and last night was rough. You accidently dropped a carton of orange juice and your punishment, bruised arm, cigarette burns, and spending the day cleaning while he was away. It seemed fair, considering it was a brand-new carton. You had 'Sweet Escape' playing and you sang along while washing dishes. 

As the music and singing blasted, Benson and Fin knocked on the door. You quickly turned off the music and stopped the water. The knocking got louder and you hurried to answer the door. 

 "I'm so sorry! I was- Hello," you answered the door, shocked to see the detectives. 

 "Hi, I'm sergeant Benson this is detective Tutuolia, do you have a minute?" Olivia asked.

 "Oh! Of course, pardon me, I was cleaning! I'm such a mess," you said, inviting the detectives in.

  "It looks nice," Olivia smiled.

 "Thank you! Where are my manors? Tea? Water? Vodka, anyone?" you offered.

 "No thank you, is Anthony home?" Olivia asked.

 "Anthony? Oh Tony! No, he's out! Can I help you with anything?" you asked.

Fin noticed your arm and burns and turned to you.

 "Are you okay?" Fin asked, looking at your arm.

 "Oh! I- I'm super clumsy! Yesterday I spilled a new carton of juice," you said, holding your arm.

 "And he burns-"

 "Really clumsy! I can leave a message for Anthony. I don't think-" 

 "What's your name?" Olivia asked.

 "Y/n... Anthony calls me birdy-" 

 "Why is that?" Fin asked.

 "I won't shut up my tweeting! Are you sure no drinks?"

 "Y/n, Anthony has been accused of rape," Olivia said with a sigh.

You dropped the glass cup you reached for. The glass shattered, your heart sank.

 "I know this is hard, but we need you cooperate-"

 "It couldn't be him! He's my boyfriend! He's loyal- he makes sure I'm loyal! I-"

 "Was he with you three days ago?" Olivia asked.

 "It- it can't be him! I was! He came home in the afternoon and said in that stern voice of his, 'what are you doing here?' And I was cleaning his room. You know, doing something nice for him-"

 "What about at night?" Olivia asked.

 "Night? I don't know... I was out having a few drinks and he texts me don't come home so I stay out going to different clubs-"

 "Why didn't you go to your own apartment?" Fin asked.

 "I don't have a place to stay.... it's a lie, right? He couldn't get in trouble! He keeps everything a secret-"

 "Keep what a secret?" Oliva asked.

 "I- I shouldn't be talking to you. The glass! He's going to be so upset-" 

 "Y/n, did he do that to you?" Oliva asked, holding your arm.

 "You- you need to leave I'm sorry," you said, starting to pick up the glass.

 "Okay, if he ever does anything, or he says anything, you give me a call," Olivia said, handing you a card.

You couldn't believe it, you just couldn't. You continued to pick up every piece of glass and your hands started bleeding. Olivia realized you weren't going to take the card, she sighed and placed it on the counter. 

 "We'll let ourselves out," Olivia said.

You picked up the last bits of glass and threw them away. You were in shock to say the least. How could Tony- no, it must be a lie, he would never hurt anyone! Besides you... so it must be a lie. It had to be.

 

 "Any luck?" Rollins asked.

 "Anthony wasn't there, but the girlfriend was," Olivia answered.

 "Girlfriend?"

 "Y/n, he calls her birdy. He seems abusive, there was a bruise and burns on her arm," Olivia explained.

 "Why didn't she tell anyone?" Sonny asked.

 " She said it was her fault, she was 'clumsy'," Fin said.

 "It doesn't seem she would report anything she's loyal and scared," Olivia said.

 "Well we don't need her, we have another report in," Sonny said.

 "Another one?" Olivia asked.

 "Rosie Delivant, she says her and Anthony are dating, and he went further than she wanted," Sonny said.

 "When was this?" Olivia asked. 

 "Two nights ago, she didn't know if it counted. She says they have been dating for a month and she was going to break up with him," Sonny continued.

 "Did she get a kit?" Olivia asked.

 "I took her earlier," Rollins said.

 "Okay, we have two victims, this guy is going away for a while."

 "Yeah, if we could find him," Fin said.

Barba walked in, with his serious expression as usual, and sighed as put down his briefcase. 

 "So, we have two victims?" Barba asked.

 "Yes, and they both claim to have met this guy at a bar," Sonny said. 

 "Fin and I will go to the bar and ask around," Rollins said.

 "He wasn't at his home?" Barba asked.

 "No, Fin and I stopped by his girlfriend was there. I think he beats her, " Olivia said.

 "Have any injuries?" Barba asked.

 "A bruise and cigarette burns on her arm." 

 "And she didn't report?" 

 "No, she says it was an accident."

 "Of course, if she becomes his next victim make sure she reports."

 "I gave her my card."

 "All right, but with this vic though, not only was it Anthony, another guy to," Sonny said.

 "Let's go get him."

                                 *                         *                             *  
You finally finished cleaning and hid the card the detective gave you in your wallet. The rattling of keys and door opening startled you. A man with light tan skin, dark hair, and an old scar over his lip entered with a bulky man with a buzz cut and small eyes. 

 "Tony! Marco! Want-"

 "Did you go into my room?" Tony questioned.

 "No, you told me not to-"

 "Good, wash this," Tony said, handing you a knife.

You noticed it was wrapped in a napkin that was stained in red. You fearfully took the knife in the kitchen and began to wash it. Marco watched you and smiled, leaning on the fridge.

 "You always look nice, birdy," he said.

 "Thank you," you whispered.

 "Yo! Marco!" Tony called.

Marco left as you continued to wash the knife. Could he have raped a girl? The knife looked suspicious... You threw away the napkin and dried the knife when you noticed Tony watching you.

 "Tony?" you quietly asked.

 "Yeah?"

 "You wouldn't rape anyone, would-"

 "Why are you asking that?" Tony threatened.

 "I- nothing, it was nothing-"

 "I said why would you ask that!" 

 "I'm sorry! Tony! I'm so sorry! Look-" you grabbed a pack of cigarettes and lit one.

You burned yourself to show you were sorry, but Tony wasn't accepting any apology. He grabbed you by the hair and burned the back of your neck. You screamed out, Tony let go and you banged your eye against the corner of the counter. 

 "Come on, Tony, leave her be," Marco said.

 "Keep your beak shut, birdy!" Tony said.

You stayed on the ground and put out the cigarette with your fingers. it burned like hell, but you didn't care. You felt numb, weak, and thought, 'maybe he did do it'.


	2. Rafael Barba

You didn't know if it was a good idea to walk into svu to ask for a place to stay. You also didn't know if it was a good idea to show them the knife Tony brought. It probably didn't help you washed the knife and touched it, but its still something, right? You entered svu with big black sunglasses on to cover up the incident from last night. Hopefully no one would notice the injuries.

"Y/n, how are you doing? " Olivia asked.

"Fine! I, uh, just wanted-" you looked around at the detectives and busy workplace and felt uneasy "-is there anywhere we could talk?" You asked.

"Of course," Benson lead you toward the interrogation room, signaling Rollins and Barba to follow.

"All right, anything you want to tell me?" Olivia asked, closing the door.

"I uh... Tony came home yesterday and... he came with a knife," you said.

"Did he attack you?"

"Oh, no but the knife was... it was in a napkin and the napkin was red-"

"Red? Like blood?"

"I'm not sure... he told me to wash the knife though... I'm sorry..."

"So she brings the knife that stabs the recent victim, but she washed it," Rollins sighed.

"Check if the weapon still has any dna. Also try to get that napkin from the girl," Barba said.

"We'll try our best," Rollins said.

"Listen, Y/n, there was a another allegation against Anthony and the girl was stabbed in the leg-"

"No! There must be a mistake! Tony wouldn't do that, that's what I'm for-"

"Not to make this harder, but the victim reported that they have been dating for a month-"

"I need some air! " you stood up and exited the room.

You stepped out of the room to find a blond detective and a nicely dressed man with dark hair and the most beautiful tired eyes in the world.

"Ma'am," Rollins said "I'm detective Rollins, are you okay?"

You couldn't take your eyes off the nicely suited man. His air was commanding, determined and confident. He shifted his weight and faced towards you.

"Ma'am? Are you all right? " Rollins asked again.

"I'm sorry... I just never seen a man dressed so nicely," you blurted.

Barba looked flabbergasted and Rollins gasped lightly.

"I beg your pardon?" Barba said.

"You have lovely eyes," you blurted again.

"Y/n, this is A.D.A. Barba, he is trying to put a case together for the victims," Benson said, catching the last comment you made.

"A A.D....?"

"Defense attorney. Lawyer," Barba explained.

"A lawyer?" You said, a little more flirty than attended.

"Are you feeling all right?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, where's your bathroom?"

"Right over here, follow me," Olivia walked you away from the confused lawyer.

"Did I see what I think I saw," Fin said, walking over to Rollins and Barba with Sonny.

"Got to fend off the pretty girls, am I right, counselor? " Sonny teased.

"She was trying to flirt with you!" Rollins said, still not believing what she saw.

"She is a possible part of the case and I don't want to get involved, " Barba shot down everyone, adjusting his tie.

"Well, if this blows over you should get her a drink," Sonny winked.

"And risk my job and the possibility of reopening a case? I don't think so. Run the knife, find the napkin. And don't badger me about this girl."

Olivia waited outside the restroom and couldn't believe any one could try to... flirt with Barba? There was the sound of vomiting and Olivia wondered if you were ok.

"Y/n, are you okay? "Olivia asked.

You walked out of the bathroom and nodded yes. You had no idea what came over you. The lawyer seemed to catch you off guard and blabber your mouth away. You usually kept quiet since Tony said you talked too much.

"You wanna keep talking? Maybe about your injuries?"

"Oh, just being clumsy again! Nothing to worry about!"

"All right, but can we ask a few questions about Anthony?"

"Of course. I'm sorry about my behavior -"

"It's ok, lets go back to the room, okay?"

"Okay, " you sighed.

You followed Benson back into the interrogation room. You received glances and a smile from a cute lanky detective as you passed by. You passed by Barba and notice his serious stare, what was he thinking? You tripped over your own shoe and fell to the floor.

"Are you okay?" Benson and Barba rushed to help you up.

Your glasses slipped off your face revealing the black eye, you quickly adjusted it back but it was too late.

"Did he do this to you? " Olivia asked.

"No! He pulled my hair and I dropped-"

"He pulled your hair?" Olivia clarified.

"No- he's not bad! Tony is good to me and loyal and-"

Barba finished helping you up and your damaged eyes met his. You felt your heart race and your eyes water.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"If he hurt you, we could help you," Barba said.

"Do you wanna talk?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah... I'll talk, you said.

 Your eyes didn't leave Barba until you were back into the interrogation room. Barba couldn't believe someone would ever take interest in him. This could affect the case. He couldn't get involved with her, no matter how pretty - no, he had to keep his cool. This was going to be a difficult case.


	3. Flustered

 "So, the guy rapes this girl from a bar about five days ago, then he rapes his side and stabs her leg," Sonny clarifed.

 "He also beats his girlfriend and burns her," Olivia added.

 "But, she won't file a report," Barba said.

 "I thought you had pictures of her wounds?" Fin said.

 "I was able to convince her to take the photos, but not file a report," Barba said. 

 "Why couldn't you sweet talk her into more-"

 "That's enough.  Y/n is coming by to drop off the napkin later today and I don't want to make a fuss," Olivia said.

 "The DNA came back positive for both victims.  It turns out Anthony had a history with dealing drugs and sexual assult..." Rollins look over the files again and stayed silent.

 "Rollins?"

 "There was a sexual assult report, but it never went to court," Rollins said.

 "Who-"

 "Barba's girl- sorry- Y/n went to the police but never went through with court," Rollins explained. 

 "When she brings the napkin ask her why. Have you found Anthony yet?" Barba asked. 

 "No, but we're still looking, " Olivia answered.

 "The bar keeper said he hasn't seen the guy since the incident. He has footage of Dolly and Anthony kissing at the bar," Sonny said. 

 "They could argue it was consensual.  And the other girl?"

 "Neighbors around her apartment said it seemed like they were in love. But that night they heard screaming-"

 "And no one reported anything? " Barba asked. 

 "No, the neighbors said they thought they get... you know-" Sonny gestured vaguely. 

 "So, he could claim they got a little too rough in bed... what about the neighbors around his own apartment?" Barba asked. 

 "We haven't asked," Olivia answered. 

 "Ask around and maybe someone will speak up about the abuse," Barba said. 

         *              *             *

Your attitude yesterday was embarrassing.  You promised you would bring the tissue back for the nice lawyer, but you didnt know how to get into the apartment. You had a spare key, but Tony said not to go in for the day. A quick little trip wouldn't hurt, right?

You opened the apartment door and headed straight to the trash can.  Luckily,  the tissue was still there. You took it out and opened a drawer and pulled out a little hello kitty plastic bag. You put the tissue in the bag not even noticing Tony or Marco coming out of the room. You quickly put the bag in your purse and grabbed the edge of the counter. 

 "I thought I told you not to come here!" Tony said in a threatening tone.

 "I wanted to-"

Tony made his way toward you and looked at the box of hello kitty bags. He scoffed and threw the bags on the ground.

 "What are you? Five? "

 "They were cute and on sale-"

 "God, I need a mature woman! Not some stupid girl!"

 "I'm sorry-"

 "Leave! Now! " Tony yelled.

You left the apartment quickly and made your way to svu, hopefully this would help.

 

 "Mr. Barba!" You called.

Barba turned around, he greeted you with a nod and a stern look on his face. You smiled and pulled out the bag from your purse.

 "I got the napkin!"

 "Thank you, miss Y/n-" Barba curiously examined the bag"- hello kitty? "

 You blushed and looked to the ground in shame.  

 "I'm sorry, " you whispered. 

 "No need. Sergeant Benson needs to ask you a few more questions -"

 "Can I have those photos back?" You asked. 

 "Pardon?"

 "My injuries... the photos of my injuries. Can I have them back? "

 "How's your eye?" 

 "Fine, I'm fine. I just don't think Tony would -"

 "Have you seen Tony? " Barba asked.

 "I-I ... he's innocent,  I know he is! " you said.

 "Miss Y/n, Tony is a wanted man now, if you have seen him-"

 "I would like my pictures back," you interrupted Barba.

 "For your own safety and others you need to speak up-"

 "I'm fine! I'm okay! I've lived through worse!" You blurted.

You tried to walk away, but Barba grabbed your wrist compulsively then quickly let go. You looked into his eyes through your big black glasses. You just stared at him and he stared back. Your lips parted as your eyes wandered to his; they were rather thin but you didn't mind. 

 "Ahem," Olivia cleared her throat, "Y/n, can we ask a couple questions? "

Your cheeks burned with red and you looked to the floor again.

 "I have to go-"

"Please, just a few more questions,  you're such a great help," Olivia pleaded.

You looked to Barba, he nodded his head and you sighed.

 "All right, " you said, following Olivia to the interrogation room again. 

 "She's all over you! Am I right, counselor? " Sonny teased.

 "You're crossing the line-"

 "You were staring at each other for an hour,"  Fin said.

 "She was staring at me! Now if you excuse me, "Barba stormed off to the interrogation area.

Rollins followed as Olivia began questioning. 

 "Thank you for bringing in the knife and napkin," Olivia thanked. 

 "I thought it could help," you said.

 "It did. I was going through Anthony's files and it said you reported being sexually abused, but never took it to court?"

 "Tony would never hurt me! It was an accident! He didn't mean it so I took it back, " you explained. 

 "So he did hurt you-"

 "Yes. No, he didn't mean to!"

 "Have you seen Anthony around? We went by his apartment the other day and he wasn't there, " Olivia said.

 "I... I should go-"

 "Y/N-"

 "No! Tony is a good person he didn't mean any of this!" 

You stood up and grabbed your purse. 

 "Goodbye, Miss Benson!" You stormed off.

 You stormed out of svu with no where to go. Tony didn't want you back,  and if you did go you didn't want svu following.  It looked like it was going to be one of those nights...


	4. One Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning fluff and drinking ahead

It had been two days since the last sighting of you and apparently Anthony. Benson and Fin went back to the apartment and asked around if Anthony was spotted, but he hasn't been home the last two days.

 "Did you call Y/n?" Fin asked Olivia.

 "She doesn't have a phone..."

 "So we haven't seen Anthony,  Marco, and Y/n in two days and no way of contacting them, " Sonny said with disbelief. 

 "Well, on the bright side the blood on the napkin matched Rosie,  victim number too," Rollins said.

 "Great, so we have evidence that Rosie was stabbed -"

 "But unless Anthony confesses he could twist the story saying that sex got too rough. And no doubt they will show the video of Dolly and Anthony kissing," Barba said.

 "We need to get Y/n to confess to Anthony beating her and-"

 "If we find her," Barba interrupted Benson. 

 "Neighbors say she usually goes out partying or goes to a karaoke bar," Fin said.

 "Anthony first, then maybe Y/n won't be so afraid," Olivia said.

     * dun dun*

 Barba couldn't wait to get out of the office today. There was nothing more appetizing at the moment than a scotch from a bar. If they didn't find these guys in time the victims might back out, or worse more girls could be hurt. Especially that girl, who knows what hell she's all ready been through.

 Barba got lost in his thoughts and he realized he wasn't  in a familar part of town. He walked by a bar with Y/n singing and huffed by. Wait....

 He retraced his steps and cautiously entered the karaoke bar listening to you sing. You had a lovely voice. Barba entranced sat at the bar not taking his eyes off you. He waited for you to finish your song, but he didn't want you to stop singing.

 You mindlessly sat at the bar, not paying attention to Barba sitting next to you. 

 "Can I buy you a drink?" Barba asked. 

 "Sure- oh my! Mr. Barba! What are you doing here?" 

 "I could ask you the same thing."

 "I come here every so often, I like to sing," you said.

 "Excuse me," Barba said,  texting your whereabouts to Olivia.

 "Messaging your wife?" You asked, sipping the drink the bartender gave you. 

 "I'm married to my work."

 "Oh... girlfriend? "

 "No, I try not to waste time with relationships, " Barba said.

 "I'm sorry if I'm a waste of time, " you said.

You chugged down your drink, Barba felt a wave of guilt and bought you another drink. 

 "Thanks."

 "No problem. So, why a karaoke bar?"

 "Tony wouldn't like me going to a real bar right now," you mindlessly replied.

 "Where's Tony?"

 "He's... I have to go!" You panicked.

 You got up and Barba compulsively grabbed your wrist again then let go.

 "Stay," he said.

You looked into his green eyes and sat back down.

 "Where have you been?" Barba asked.

 "Just... hanging around," you lied.

You have been traveling around the last few days living on flirting men's dinners and sleeping in a car. You knew exactly where Tony and Marco were, but Tony didn't want to see you.

 "How's your eye?"

 "Not as pretty as yours-"

 "Pardon?"

 "I can cover it up with foundation,  but I'm out of it and that's why I'm wearing glasses," you said, chugging down the other drink.

 "Huh. You know, you can still report those injuries-"

 "Tony is not a bad person! He doesn't mean any of this! "

 "The DNA matched a victim and you were the one who helped clean the knife they could get you for being an accomplice-"

 "I didn't do anything wrong!"

 "You tampered with evidence. Listen, you seem like a sweet girl and I'm trying to help you. Please,  just do what we ask," Barba said.

 You had to look away from Barba, something about that man made you do stupid things.

 "I need a few more drinks," you said.

 

 Fin was sent with Sonny to go to the karaoke bar where Barba found the girl. At the same time Marco headed to the bar,  he needed to ask  you to go back to the apartment to get the knife and despose of the tissue. You had a few drinks and felt the buzz of the liquor. You finnaly turned to Barba and touched his leg.

 "Y/n-"

 "Shh! You're just so... I just want to-" you looked at his lips and licked yours.

 "Do you need me to take you home?" Barba asked. 

 "Home? What home?" You said, drinking the last drops of your eight drink. 

 "What do you mean-"

 "Why don't you take me to your place?" You said, twirling your hair.

 "Miss Y/n-"

You kissed Barba quickly then looked to the ground in shame. Sonny and Fin had looked through the window and were both shocked by the kiss. 

 "That bi-"

 "Hey! N.Y.P.D.!" Sonny called.

Marco started running, pushing down boxes and people trying to escape. Sonny and Fin jumped and dodged every obstacle Marco tried to create. Marco ran into the street, gasping for air he slowed his pace thinking the cops were far behind them when BAM.

He rolled off a taxi hood and onto the cold street.

 "N.Y.P.D.! You're under arrest!" Sonny shouted, handcuffing Marco.

 "I didn't do anything! "

 "Yeah? Then why did you run?" Fin said.

    *             *          *

"I'm sorry," you apologized to Barba. 

 "It was uncalled for... let's get you home."

 "I don't have a home, " you said, even more ashamed.

 "What about the apartment? "

 "He took the keys away from me... It's fine! I'll just go to my car and-"

 "You've been sleeping in your car? " 

You felt so embarrassed and shameful you turned away from Barba again.  Barba chekced his messages and realized Liv wasn't going to send anyone over to pick Y/n up. He sighed because he knew what he was about to do could put his job on the line. Then again he couldn't risk losing a lead to his case.

 "Y/n, you can spend the night with me. But,  only until we find living arrangements and you have to keep quiet about this," Barba said. 

 "I could spend the night? " you looked up to Barba.

 "Yes, let's go. It's getting late."

 "Thank you so much, Mr. Barba! Thank you!"

 

Barba's place was like a castle to you.  All your life you lived in run down homes with cheap furniture, but Barba's place was amazing.

 "Are you okay?" Barba asked.

You turned to him smiling and nodding. You took off your heels, felt the cool clean tile under your feet, and sighed in relief.

 "Would you like something to drink? Other than liquor?"

 "Can I see your kitchen? "

 "Sure-"

 You ran into Barba's kitchen area and admired the new refrigerator and coffe machine. You giggled at all the coffe mugs and the assortment of coffee grounds. Barba watched you curiously as you explored his kitchen wondering why you marveled at such simple things.

 "This is lovely!" You exclaimed. 

 "It's just a kitchen-"

 "But it's so nice!"

 "You need to sleep,  let me show you-"

 "The couch is fine!" You said, playing with the stand of assorted coffee filters.

 "All right. I'll go grab you blankets," Barba said. 

He had to admit, you were adorable. Such a nice young girl, he wondered why you would waste your life with a low life like Tony. Barba grabbed a few blankets and a spare pillow and went to grab you from the kitchen.

You weren't there, he sighed and found you all ready passed out on the couch.  Barba placed the pillow under your head and the blanket over you. He tiredly slugged to his room and changed into his pajamas. He realized he didn't have his scotch after all and sighed.

 There was a knocking at his door and fimilar voices called.

 "Barba! It's Fin!"

Barba sighed again and opened the door.

 "Sorry we didn't pick the girl up. We went to the bar and found Marco there and arrested him," Fin explained. 

 "It's fine,  she's sleeping on the couch," Barba said.

Fin peeped inside and saw you fast asleep wrapped in Barba's blankets.

 "Yeah, about that Carisi and I also saw you two -"

 "She kissed me, I didn't kiss back, " Barba defended himself.

  "Liv is not going to like this-"

 "I'll tell her myself tomorrow-"

 "Why is she sleeping over? "

 "She doesn't have a place to stay.  This is just temporary until we can find living arrangements," Barba explained.

Fin nodded and looked to you again. 

 "She's a pretty  girl, don't let this get out of hand."

 "I know. Goodnight detective."

Barba closed the door and sighed and rubbed his temple. He returned to his room and quickly fell alseep. It felt like a lifetime later, but the sudden shift in his bed startled him awake. 

 "Mr. Barba," you said.

 "Hm?"

 "I can't sleep well... can I sleep with you?"

Your innocents caught Barba off guard and baffled him. 

 "Miss Y/n, this is highly inappropriate. I'm all ready risking my job-"

 "Please! Just one night! "

Barba could still smell the alcohol on your breath. He didn't have the energy to fight your drunken innocents so he sighed and nodded 'yes'.

 "Only for tonight. Don't make this sexual," Barba said. 

 Barba turned to face you rather annoyed only to realize you were all ready alseep. He thought about getting up and sleeping on the couch instead.

 "Goodnight," Barba sighed, getting up and taking a pillow with him.

He smiled as you cuddled with the pillow in place of him. This girl would be the end if him. 


	5. You're Welcome

Barba didn't sleep well that night. He woke up serveral times to check on you, you were always fast asleep.  For the first time in a month you were able to sleep peacefully in a bed. 

 After the restless night,  Barba got up to the sound of the water running in his bathroom. He sighed and decided to start on coffee cup one out of ten. To his surprise, a cup was waiting for him all ready made.  Barba added his usual creamer, wondering what time you got up. The water stopped and to Barba's surprise you came out in nothing but a towel, smiling.

 "Good morning, " you smiled.

 "Ma'am-"

 "I didn't know what to put in your coffee so I left it plain-"

 "Miss-"

 "Oh, and I ironed a shirt for the day for you and matching tie-"

 "Y/n!" Babra snapped. 

 "Hm?"

 "I think it would be best if you would put some clothes on," Barba said blushing. 

 You realized you were in a towel and went back to the room to change. Barba took a long and slow sip of his coffee. This was going to be a long day.

 "Mr. Barba," you said fully clothed, "what do you have planned for the day? "

 "Y/N, I think we should go back to svu and -"

 "Oh," you sighed.

 "Please, you helped a lot in this case,  you would be doing the right thing, " Barba said. 

 "I'm sorry for asking to sleep with you last night .... I'm afraid of the dark,"  you admitted.

Barba examined you to see any signs of willingness to go back to svu. You looked down not wanting to be lost in his tired green eyes again but at the same time a distraction would be nice.  

 "I'll go back, but I won't promise I'll be of any help," you gave in.

 "Thank you, " Barba said. 

     *                *                *

 "Look, Marco, you could either tell us where Anthony is-"

 "I didn't do anything!  I haven't even seen her!" Marco spat at Olivia.

 "So, if I put you in a line up and Rosie identifies you-"

 "I don't know who this girl is!"

 "Rosie! Anthony's girlfriend! You wathced him as he rapped her and you touched her too!" Olivia yelled.

 Barba entered svu with you by his side smiling while holding his coffee. 

 "Counselor,  I guess you bought her a drink after all," Sonny said.

 "Now's not the time," Barba said annoyed. 

All morning Barba was pestered with questions at the office whether you were his niece, daughter, intern, or if it was a sugar daddy relationship. Once men found out you were available instant flirting pursued.

 "Wait here, I'll be back," Barba said.

 He took his third cup of coffee from your hands and headed toward the interrogation room. 

 "Any luck?" Barba asked Fin.

 "No, what about you?" Fin asked.

 "My morning has been terrible, thank you."

 "How's the girl?"

 "Fine, until everyone started asking whether I was her father or 'sugar daddy '," Barba answered bitterly.

 Fin laughed receiving a death glare from Barba. 

 "I'm sorry Counselor! I'm sure she doesn't look to you as just a source of money-"

 "That's enough. "

Olivia walked out of the interrogation room tired and a little quenched from yelling. 

 "He's not going to break. And the evidence doesn't put him in that room," Olivia said.

 "He didn't leave any DNA? " Barba asked.

 "No. No finger prints, no seamen-"

 "We're going to still line him up, right?" Fin asked. 

 "Yeah, call Rosie for me?"

 "Sure. Oh and the Counselor here needs to have a word with you," Fin said.

 "Now might not be the right time-"

 "What's wrong?"

Barba sighed and looked off to the side. Olivia leaned against the wall waiting for the worst.

 "I found Y/n-"

 "That's great! Where is she?"

 "Up front. I think she knows where Anthony is. The tricky part is she won't say anything-"

 "Where did you find her?"

 "Karoke bar-"

 "And you convinced her to come in?"

Barba caught onto Olivia. She suspected that there was something going on between Barba and you. Barba turned cold, he had enough allegations for today.

 "Yes. She stayed at my place last night because she doesn't have a place to stay.  I suggest finding places for her immediately, " Barba said. 

 

Meanwhile,  you sat in a chair swinging your feet sipping the Starbucks Barba treated you too and noticed Sonny looking at you.

 "I'm detective Carisi," Sonny introduced himself.

 "Carisi? Is that Italian?" You asked.

 "Yeah it is. Listen, I was out on patrol last night and I couldn't help but notice you kissed Counselor Barba-"

 "I was drunk," you said quickly, looking down.

Rollins, who was ease dropping, choked on her coffee at hearing someone would actually kiss Barba. 

 "You okay, Rollins? " Sonny asked. 

Rollins nodded and left to the break room to get napkins. Sonny got closer to you and lowered his voice. 

 "Drunk or not, you should hide whatever you feel for him it could ruin the case-"

 "I'm sorry," you apologized. 

 "You've helped a lot, I don't want your help to go to waste, okay?"

You nodded but your eyes never left the floor. You felt ashamed and embarrassed. Maybe it was best if you left. 

 "Y/n," Benson called.

She and Fin had Marco in handcuffs and were taking him to be identified. You stood up in shock and couldn't believe your eyes.

 "Marco? What are you doing here?"

 "You know him?" Fin asked. 

 "Yes, he's Tony's friend! He wouldn't hurt a fly. There must be some mistake-"

 "You hanging around cops now, birdy?" Maroc said bitterly. 

 "Marco, I'm so confused! There has to be a mistake! He always took care of me-"

 "Y/n, now is not the time," Barba said to you.

 "Mr. Barba, please-"

 "Barba? You were kissing Rafael Barba?"

 "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Barba asked. 

Marco smiled, "No... but everyone knows you!"

 "That's enough!  Fin take him away," Benson said.

 "You better stay away, birdy! They'll know you're Barba's weak spot!  They'll know everything!" Marco shouted as he was dragged away.

 "There has to be a mistake!  Marco always took care of me! There has to be-"

 "Y/n, why don't you help yourself to some snacks in the break room. Barba, my office," Olivia commanded.

 Barba followed Olivia with confusion and now worry. Olivia closed the door and blinds as Barba tried to figure out who that was.

 "When were you going to tell me?"  Olivia questioned. 

 "Tell you-"

 "You kissed her! So, you took her home last night? Did you sleep with her too?"

 "She kissed me! She was drunk!"

 "But did you sleep with her?"

 "No-"

 "So, you want me to believe she was in your home, but nothing happened?!?"

 "Yes! She came into my bed and asked if she could sleep with me-"

 "Is she afraid of the dark or something?"

 "Yes!"

Olivia was furious and shocked.  She leaned against her desk with nothing left to say to Barba.  He was a cautious man, he wouldn't ruin his reputation over a girl. 

 "So, she's afraid of the dark?"

 "If you can imagine what she's been through, wouldn't you?"

 

You cried in the corner of the break room hoping no one would notice. You heard Mr. Barba and detective Benson yelling and wanted to get away. You hated yelling. Sonny realizing you've been gone awhile decided to check up on you.

 "Hey, you okay? " Sonny asked.

You sniffled and wiped away a tear hoping he wouldn't notice. Sonny cautiously approached you with a box of tissues. He slowly moved his arm to hand them to you, instinctively you flinched.

  "It's okay. I'm just handing you tissues. You're safe here, okay? " Sonny said softly.

 "I got Mr. Barba in trouble, didn't  I?" You cried.

 "No, it's okay-"

 "No it's not! I feel sick-"

 "It's nothing to feel bad about-"

 "No! I feel really sick!" You cried. 

You gagged running towards the trash can and threw up the bagle you had this morning. Sonny stopped himself from throwing up as well by leaving the room as quickly as possible. You felt dizzy and wondered why you were sick all of the sudden. Maybe it was all the guilt you felt from seeing Marco in cuffs and hearing Barba get yelled at.

 "Y/n," Benson called.

 "I'm fine," you said.

 "Okay, I need to ask you a few more questions, all right?"

 "I'm ready... I'm fine... is Mr. Barba in trouble?" You asked.

 "Why don't we talk about that, okay?"

 

 "So you know Marco?" Olivia asked.

You were in the interrogation room again. Sonny brought you a trash can just in case you got sick again.

 "Yes, he's Tony's friend. He wouldn't hurt anyone -"

 "And why do you say that?"

 "Well, he always looked out for me-"

 "How? Y/n please be honest with us. What did he do to earn your trust?"

 You looked at your fingers and started picking at them.  A new wave of nausea hit only this time you let out a cry.

 "After he would hit me," you began, "he would help me up and get me ice and band aids... he would try to heal my burns when Tony made me burn myself with cigarettes. He would hide the cigarettes at times too.  He was always so nice he wouldn't help Tony rape that girl! I know he wouldn't! "

 "Y/n, do you know where Tony is?" Benson asked.

 "I do, but I don't," you finnaly told the truth. 

 "What do you mean?"

 "I know what area he's in... but I don't know exactly where he is... but Marco does! This will prove he's innocent -"

 "How does Marco know where he is?"

 "Tony told me Marco and him were going to be gone for awhile and that not to bother them!  Please, just let me ask him he'll answer to me!" You pleaded.

 "Okay, I'll see what I could do," Benson said.

 "Is Mr. Barba in trouble?" You asked. 

 "Mr. Barba is on a rocky path right now-"

 "We didn't do anything! I kissed him and that's it! That's all!"

 "I believe you, but you need to stay away from him for awhile, okay?"

You sighed and nodded that you understood.

 "We're making arrangements for you to stay somewhere for the night. You'll be safe."

 "That's what you think..."

 "I'll talk to Marco,  you just sit tight," Olivia said.

 "She really believes in Marco," Barba said. 

 "She also beleived in Tony, I don't trust either of them. We'll ask Marco where Anthony is-"

 "He won't lawyerup," Barba said. 

 "Great! We have full access!"

 "Oliva,  the evidence does not put him in that room if we cut him a deal-"

 "He'll walk free?"

 "We will have Anthony.  I'll convince Y/n to testify -"

 "You've done enough convincing for one day!" Oliva snapped.

She sighed resting her hands on her hips and began pacing. 

 "Stay away from her for awhile. I'll have Fin and Sonny talk to Marco and I'll convince Y/n to come forward about the beating... at least we could get him on that."

 

After twenty minutes of making deals Marco finnaly came to an agreement. 

 "Look, I wasn't there when he rapped the girl," Marco lied.

 "But you have seen Anthony?" Sonny asked. 

 "Yeah... but if you barge in all cop like he has eyes, he'll know, " Marco said.

 "Why were you at the bar last night?" Fin asked. 

 "I was going to talk to birdy and ask her to do a favor for Tony."

 "Which was?"

Marco paused and thought really hard on what to say next.

 "He wanted more silverware at the place he's staying. You know stuff like knives and forks..."

 "Ah-huh, why couldn't you go out and get it?" Fin asked.

 "He knew birdy knows where everything is at."

 "So, you go and find birdy?"

 "Yes, and she was kissing that lawyer!"

 "That's enough!" Sonny said.

  "Got a place yet? " Rollins asked Benson. 

 "Still working on it. Marco is right, Anthony is good at hiding from the cops he will find a way to escape us," Benson said.

  "So we can lure him out-"

 "If we do we need to use Y/n..."

 "We barely got her to testify and report the beatings, how are we-"

 "Barba and I will handle it. "

 "Is it true... the-"

 "I really wish it wasn't, " Benson sighed.

 

Later that day, Sonny bought you some chinese food and gave you money for the vending machine. You wanted to get out of svu now and wished you could just crash at Barba's place again.

 "Y/n, I need to talk to you," Benson said.

 "Did you find out where Tony is?" You asked. 

 "Yes, we did. But, we need to ask a huge favor. "

 "All right?"

 "Y/n... we need you to lure Anthony out of his hiding place. You will be wired just in case anything happens and we will be there waiting-"

 "You want me to go up against him?" You said.

 "Only if you want,  it would be easier -"

 "I need some air! " you said, leaving.

 "Y/n-"

 "I need some air!"

You stormed out of svu scared and confused.  What makes them think Tony would do anything you say? They have you testifying against him and finally pressing charges how could they ask for more? 

 "Y/ n," Barba called.

 "Mr. Barba-"

 "I know what they're asking is terrifying,  but you're the only one who could do this."

 "What if I don't want to?"

 "You don't have to. But you could help these girls- help yourself get justice! You don't have to be afraid of the dark anymore."

You couldn't look at Barba. You leaned agianst a wall and looked up at the sky wondering what to do. 

 "Thank you, " Barba said.

 "For what?"

 "For making me coffee and picking my outfit for today.  While you were flirting with the hipster,  the barista at Starbucks said my tie brought out the color of my eyes."

 "He wasn't flirting with me!" You laughed. 

 "Think about it, okay?" Barba said.

 "I'm sorry."

 "For?"

 "Kissing you... I know it got you in trouble and-"

 "It's all right. I need to go back to the office and clear my name," Barba smiled.

 As Barba headed off you looked up at the sky again and saw a cloud that looked oddly like a broken heart. 

 "Hey!" You called.

Barba turned to face you as you continued to  look at the sky.

 "You're welcome."


	6. Late night confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning mentions of abuse

Barba felt a little sorry for Y/n, but was more tired than everything. It was a hard thing to go undercover or even be wired. The stress must be unbearable and-

 Barba heard a knocking at his door and quickly opened it. It was you in a sleazy outfit in a drunken state. You smiled when Barba opened the door and hugged him. He felt sorry for you but not this sorry.

 "Miss Y/n, what are you doing here?"

 "Well if I'm lucky in a minute, you!" You drunkingly giggled.

 "Miss Y/n, didn't Sergeant Benson give you a place to stay?"

You laughed while pulling out a card from your breast to an shelter for abuse victims and tossed it at Barba. He looked at the card then to you sternly, but it only made you giggle more.

 "I was going to go, but I wanted to celebrate!  You caught Tony!  I'm free!" You laughed. 

You walked your fingers up Barba's chest playfully catching his attention before crashing your lips on his. He could taste the alcohol on your tounge as you shoved it into his mouth. He tried to pull you off, but as he tried you put his hands on your hips and grinded. Barba pushed you onto the couch, your skirt hiked up as you began to hysterically laugh.

 "We didn't catch Tony, we caught Marco," Barba said, wipping his lips.

 "Oh! Yeah!... then why am I free?" You asked. 

 "You're drunk-"

 "I feel free!"

Barba looked at the card to see when the place closes. You sncuk onto Barba's lap as he realized it was and hour after they closed. He felt your weight on him as you tried to advance once more. He ignored you staring at the card while you played with his tie. 

 "Miss -"

 "Call me birdy-"

 "Miss Y/n... I would appreciate it if you kept this realtionship professional," Barba glared. 

 "But, I'm free! I can have anyone I want and go to all the clubs I want -"

 "What do you mean by free?" Barba asked. 

You smiled and kissed his cheek.

 "I don't have to listen to Tony anymore!  He's gone! I don't have to clean for him or see if he's moody or worry if he's gonna hit me! I can do whatever I want without his pals stalking me! I can have whatever I want! And I want you!"

Before you could kiss Barba again he stood up from the chair causing you to land on your back.  You huffed while struggling to stand back up wobbling in your red heels. 

 "I'm trying to help you! When is the last time you did it counselor? Huh? When-"

 "That's none of your buisness! You can stay the night, but you need to stay away from me," Barba said.

He headed off to his room removing his tie and vest. This was going to be a long night. Barba removed the rest of his clothing and lazily looked through his drawers for pajamas.

 "God... You're beautiful, " you said staring at Barba in his underwear. 

 "Out, " Barba blushed.

 "I'll just-"

 "Out!" Barba shouted.

He moved towards you to show you to the door and like a instinct you trembled falling back. As you feel you took a glass of scotch down with you from the counter of the drawer. The shatter of the glass caused you to jump fearing the worst. 

 "I'm so sorry! I'll clean it up-"

 "Leave it," Barba sighed.

 "Please! I'll clean it up! Look!"

You started to clean up the glass from the spilled scotch reopening some cuts while making new ones.

 "Don't hurt yourself-"

 "I'll be good I promise! " you said instinctively. 

Barba went into the kitchen to get his dust pan. He wondered if you would always cut yourself by picking up glass. He brought back the dust pan to see you getting the little pieces of glass stuck in your finger tips. He carfeully walked around the area and swept up the rest of the glass. He gestured for you to put the glass in your hands into the pan. You hesitantly obeyed and let go of all the broken pieces.

Barba disposed of the glass and wiped as much scotch up as he could. As he was, you stood up to let yourself out.

 "Where are you going? " Barba asked.

 "I thought -"

 "Stay... I don't want you out there anyway. Who knows what could happen when you're out."

 "I'm sorry," you apologized.

 Barba finished cleaning up and looked at the cheap reavealing outfit you had on. He looked through his drawers and pulled out sweatpants and an old Havard shirt.

 "Here, change ," Barba said. 

You nodded and headed to the bathroom.  Barba sighed and finnaly put on his own pajamas. You stepped out of bathroom looking comfortable and rather tired. 

 "Thank you," you said.

 "Let me see your hands, " Barba said. 

You reluctantly held out our hands expecting the worst. Instead,  Barba examined your wounds and lead you to the bathroom. He looked in his medicine cabinet and pulled out bandages. 

 "It looks like there's no more glass. This is going to sting-"

 "Ow!"

Barba wrapped the bandages on your bleeding hands trying to make it as comfortable as possible. You looked away when he turned to you, his green eyes judging.

 "You won't remeber this," Barba said. 

  "Mr. Barba-"

You felt your head rush. You didn't know if you kissed him or he kissed you. Either way you enjoyed his embrace as you guided his hands on your waist. Barba pulled away not wanting to risk his career for this. You seemed like a sweet girl, but now was not the time.

 "Goodnight."

 "Mr. Barba! Wait! Please!" You called, following him to bed.

You were too drunk to put together what really happened. He seemed to be annoyed of you and not interested. Barba laid under the covers immediately regretting his actions. You laid besides him looking him in the eyes. 

 "Why?" You asked. 

 "You're drunk, sleep-"

 "Why do you let me kiss you? What-"

 "Go to sleep!"

 "I'm easy that's why, huh?"

 "Y/n-"

 "Tony would tell me!"

 "He would also hit you-"

 "He wasn't always like that!" You pouted.

You sighed remembering and reminiscing the first time you met Tony. 

 "I was new to the city fresh from Cali... I wanted to have fun and party so I did! At a club I met Tony... he was so sweet and kind and I went back to that club every night just to see him. We started dating after two weeks and I fell in love. I was working at a store and auditioning when I had time off until I was fired. Tony let me stay at his place, but he was getting bored of me so I started being his maid and he kept me. He said he loved me so I told him about something that happened to me from my youth then that's when..."

 "What?" Barba urged.

 "He started taking advantage of me... when I wouldn't do certain chores or go out or audition even for something he would threaten to take me back to the place- and I got sick of it I was going to leave, but he hit me. I was so afraid. It was dark and he dragged me and threatened to do the same thing that happened to me awhile back," you started crying. 

Barba always knew the stories of his clients and feltremorseful and guilty even. He saw them break down in court and even change their mind from being afraid.

 "You can sleep here," Barba said. 

 "Really?"

 "Yes... I will bring you justice, okay?"

 "I'm going to do it," you said.  

 "Y/n-"

 "I'm going to Anthony tomorrow and they're going to get him! I won't be afraid of the dark! I won't be afraid of the dark..." you began to doze off.

Barba watched you for awhile wondering if this was the best choice after all. He knew how afraid you were, he never could imagine what his clients went through. He always wondered what happened after the assult, if they even move on. Would she move on? He couldn't get too attached... he had to stay away.

 You tossed to turned in your sleep. Barba put his arm around you to stop and you did.  You slept facing him, your head near his chest. He had to stay away, but he knew he couldn't. 


	7. Down he goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning guns and descriptive violence in this chapter. Also unwanted physical contact.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" Benson asked you for the third time.

  "We know where he is and we can get him. I want this to be over! I don't want to be afraid, " you said.

 "And Mr. Barba had nothing to do with this decision?" Benson asked.

 "No. In fact, he encouraged me this morning to reconsider," you answered. 

 "All right, Rollins will prep you. Thank you," Benson said and left you with Rollins.

 "Barba," Olivia called from her office. 

Barba entered Olivia's office preparing for the worst. 

 "So, I went to check on Y/n at the center I sent her to-"

 "She showed up at my place drunk and she kissed me. She also broke a glass of mine and cut herself picking up the pieces. I helped put bandages on her and we slept in the same bed. I have nothing to hide," Barba said. 

 "Okay. Did you tell her to work with us?"

 "No. She confided in me why she is afraid of Tony and I don't think it's wise that she helps.  However, she made her own decision and I'm glad she can further help our case."

 "Okay. I believe you, but I don't want you to get attached to her," Olivia said.

 "She's just a client, " Barba said. 

 "Hey, Liv- am I interrupting? " Fin asked. 

 "No, what's up? "

 "We got a call from the place Y/n was supposed to be at. There was an attack last night-"

 "Attack?"

 "Yeah, they said be careful who you send!"

 "Fin, could you give us a minute? "

Fin closed the door behind him leaving Olivia and Barba dumbstruck.

 "She could of been killed," Olivia said.

 "It's not your fault... there's ears in here find out who it is. In the meantime, use code or something and-"

 "Can she still stay with you?" Olivia asked. 

 "Of course, but I don't think-"

 "They haven't suspected you yet. Just one more night then she can stay with me, then Fin until we find a place," Olivia said.

 "All right. I trust you."

                *                *               *

 You carefully walked down the street trying not to cause any suspicion. You were wired,  Rollins had walked you through the plan and reassured you that the N.Y.P.D. would be there the whole time. You didn't notice them as you came up to Marco's apartment. You hoped they were still watching as you entered the building.

You acted casual and cool as you knocked on the door. Once it opened, the vicious eyes then taunting smirk shot you down. All the confidence you had was gone. 

 "Tony... I brought the knife-"

 "About damn time! Get in!" Tony said, pulling you inside.

 "Marco got arrested... you know why?" Tony asked.  

 "No, he didn't do anything wrong, did he?" You stupidly asked.

 "Dumb bird, why else would the cops have him?" Tony said, grabbing a beer bottle from the fridge. 

 "Hey, Tony I was thinking-"

 "You were thinking? You?"

 "Yeah... maybe we could go out tonight... you know like old times? "

Tony glared at you. You looked down from his menacing stare as you heard foot steps approach you.

 "Look at me," Tony commanded. 

You obeyed, your heart was racing as you looked into his eyes. 

 "How dumb are you? " Tony asked. 

 "I don't know-"

 "You asked if I would rape someone! Did you send Marco to the cops?" Tony yelled.

 "No! Tony, I-"

 "I bet you're wired! They said you were going to an abused victims home -" Tony smashed the beer bottle against the couch "- you think you're abused?"

 "Tony! Please! I-"

He grabbed your hair and slammed you to the floor. Tony stepped on your back and yelled:

 "Do you even know what abused is!? Do you want me to touch you like they did-"

 "No! Please!" You cried.

 "Do you want me to force your hand upon you like they-"

 "Tony please-"

 "You stupid slut!"

Tony gently put his foot on your head, your face was punctured by the glass. Tears stung the wounds and mixed with blood and sweat as you began to shake. 

 "You're all ready laying down," Tony said, suddenly straddling you.

 "No! Please! "

 "N.Y.P.D.!" Sonny shouted, barging in with the squad. 

 "Anthony Zenger, you are under arrest for the rape of  Rosie Madilne and Dolores Park. You are also under arrest for the attempted rape of Y/n," Olivia said.

As Benson continued to list Tony's rights, he just turned to you and smiled. You felt more terrified than you ever been. 

 "Hey, it's okay, you're safe!" Carisi said, helping you up.

 "Liv, get an ambulance!  She's bleeding!" You heard Fin shout.

Everything turned fuzzy. You could faintly hear Sonny talking to you. The blood and sweat started to blind you as you struggled to keep your eyes open.

 "You did good. Stay with me kid! Benson! She has glass in her head! Don't faint! Stay with me! Stay-"

                *             *             *

You were in a dark room. You had hospital clothes on you and for some reason you felt smaller. There was a bright light from the side of the room. Casting a shadow from the light was a man sitting in a chair. You walked towards the man in the chair and smiled realizing it was Barba.

 "Mr. Barba!"

 "You won't remember this," he whispered. 

 "Remember -"

He kissed you passionately. You moaned at the sensation. Barba pulled you onto his lap feeling the fimilar sensation of his bulge you grinded against him.

 "Mr. Barba!"

 "You- won't - Remember - this," he said between kisses.

 "I will," you said. 

You kissed Barba with genuine affection. He didn't kiss back this time only starred at you.

 "You won't remember this, " he repeated. 

You felt a hand on your breast. You looked down, but the hand was coming from behind you and not from Barba. You panicked, prying the hand off you. Another hand grabbed your throat,  pulling you away from Barba's lap. You struggled to keep the hands off you but more kept coming.  Tugging your hair, grabbing your shoulder, neck, ass, breast,  hip, waist.  They continued to claw at you as Barba just watched. 

 "Help!" You screamed. 

 "Y/n!" Barba called. 

 "Make it stop!" You cried.

You felt a hand shake your shoulder as Barba continued to call.

 "Y/n! Y/n!"

 You sat up in a hospital bed, shaken and afraid. You quickly slapped the hand on your shoulder away from you.

 "Are you okay? " Barba asked, rubbing his hand. 

 You were in the hospital, you touched your head to feel stitches on your head.

 "She's ready to go, Mr. Barba, " a nurse said.

 "Thank you. Come on, get dressed, you're staying with me," Barba said.

 

The ride to Barba's place was quiet. The silence filled your head with memories you wished to forget and the sensation of the adrenaline from earlier. You didn't remember the walk to Barba's place. You found yourself crying into an expensive pillow remembering where you were was real. 

 "Hey-"

 "Please, don't let me sleep! I-"

 "Shh, it's all right, you're safe, " Barba reassured. 

 "I can't! " you cried.

Barba set out the sweat pants and shirt from the night before for you. You continued to cry as you changed quickly. Barba poured himself a glass of scotch and sat down in his living room chair. What on earth happened? He made a mental note to listen to the audio tomorrow and continue the case.

Barba heard a thud from his room, he quickly ran to find you on the floor still sobbing and scratching at your arms.

 "Hey, don't do that! Ven aquí no te rasques-"

 "You can speak spanish?" You sniffled.

 "Yeah... can you?"

 "I can understand most..."

 "Good, come here. You need to sleep -" 

 "But-"

 "I'll be right there ," Barba said.

He put his pajamas on and laid next to you. You put your hand on his chest feeling his heart beat. He was real, this was real. You felt a little more at ease, but tears still fell from your eyes. Barba removed your hand from his chest wondering why you were so comfortable with him.

 "How are you so comfortable sleeping with strangers?" Barba asked. 

 "Oh... I usually don't... but I have to pay for men treating me to dinner some how ya know? You're different I guess. It's either I sleep with someone or I don't sleep at all," you answered.

 "You're sleeping tonight. Goodnight, " Barba said. 

 "Mr. Barba?"

 "Hm?"

 "Thank you for everything... I don't deserve you, I really don't ."

Barba turned to face you and looked into your eyes. He gently brushed his fingers against your stitches and over your healing black eye. 

 "Get some rest. Goodnight, " Barba said. 

 "Goodnight."


	8. Just a Client

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda a short filler like chapter sorry

It had been two weeks since arresting Tony.  You felt lighter, but at the same time you felt watched. Barba let you stay at his place for the past two weeks. You learned about the almost attack and didn't feel safe anywhere, besides with Barba. 

While in the house, you would clean and make dinner even though Barba would come home late. You felt like you owed Barba your life and you made sure to tell him by finding little ways to make his life easier.

 "Almost done with the case?" Olivia asked.

 "Rosie and Dolly have been ready. The two in custody are still denying council and reject all appointed to them," Barba said.

 "Why are they stalling their own case?" Olivia questioned. 

 "Who knows. I'm not complaining. The more they wait the more I have on them."

 "Hey, counselor, want anything?" Sonny asked, waving a menu.

 "No thank you, I'm going home for lunch. Y/n usually makes sandwiches-"

 "Oh, did you want to talk about leaving her with us?" Olivia asked.

 "She's fine. I was listening to the recording again and Tony knew about the shelter. Did you ever ask him about that?" Barba asked. 

 "No, but we could-"

 "Good! We could get him for attempt murder if we connect him to the attack-"

 "We'll look into it. But I really think you should trade off with someone," Olivia said.

 "I'll ask Y/n about it. But in the mean time she won't leave my place-"

 "Barba-"

 "No really, she won't leave. I tried everything. I should go," Barba said.

 "Why don't you try to bring her down here later? Just baby steps?" Olivia suggested. 

 "I'll see what- excuse me," Barba answered his phone with a smile. "Hey -"

 "I'm awake? Right?" You asked. 

 "Yeah, you're awake," Barba replied. 

 "Good! I was taking a five minute nap and I thought I was trapped again."

 "You're fine. Can I call you back? "

 "Wait can you go grab lunch, we ran out of bread!"

 "Yeah, what do you want? "

 "Shake Shack!"

 "Okay, cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake, right? "

 "Yup!"

 "I'll pick it up. I have to go-"

 "Wait, can you ask for extra whip cream?"

 "And an extra cherry, I know. I have to go... bye. "

The squad looked at Barba suspiciously.  He went from smiling to his usual stern expression and straightened his stance ready to fight any accusations.

 "You know her shake shack order?" Rollins questioned. 

 "She asked a few times for the same meal-"

 "Yeah, an extra cherry, " Sonny raised an eye brow.

 "She likes extra sweets-"

 "Did you buy her a phone?" Olivia asked.

 "She needs one just in case you need to contact her. Anymore questions?"

 "Would you mind if she stayed at any of our places for the night? " Olivia asked. 

 "Depends if anyone can put up with her kicking and waking up from nightmares," Barba said.

 "All right then-"

 "I'm only thinking what is best for my client! "

 "Sure, she's just your 'client'," Sonny teased.

 "She is!"

 "Okay, ask her about moving for a bit. I don't want you to be a target," Olivia said.

 "I will..."

 

Barba didn't let people in this quickly. He barely started warming up to Olivia and the rest of the svu team. But with you, he was letting his guard down faster than usual. You were so kind and sweet and acted innocently dumb at times. That's what he liked, you were like a lost child. You were damaged, hurt, confused, but still sweet and gentle.

 "Y/n-"

 "You're home! " you smiled.

You grabbed the bag of food from Barba's hands and placed it on the table. Barba followed with two milkshakes; warmed by the fact you always greeted him like he had been gone for a lifetime.  He placed them down and sat down besides you admiring your joy over a simple meal. 

 "Thank you! " you smiled. 

 "Y/n, I need to talk to you," Barba began.

Halfway through a bite, you nodded and listened attentively. 

 "The trial is soon, and I need you to prep for the testimony."

 "Okay."

 "I also went by svu for a bit and Olivia suggested you move locations just in case they figure out your staying here," Barba said.

 "Oh..." you said putting down your cheeseburger. 

 "You've been a nice help around the house-"

 "Yeah..."

 "It's a precaution.  It's for your own safety, until the trial is over and Tony is gone-"

 "What if he gets away?" You asked. 

 "He won't. I'll make sure he won't-"

 "I keep having a dream where he gets to walk away and I'm trapped again and I call out for help and no one-"

 "You'll be fine. I'm going to make sure he stays away for a very long time, " Barba reassured. 

 "Okay... Mr. Barba?"

 "Yes?"

 "I also dream you kiss me," you said. 

Barba blushed and took a bite of his meal. Her drunk night might of been confusing for her, but she couldn't think he kissed her.

 "Just a dream. I have to get back to the office. You think about leaving for awhile,  okay? "

 "What's going to happen after all this is over?" You asked. 

Barba paused. This girl had no place to go. No friends or family near and with her issues he didn't think a roomate would put up with her. She was just a client. He could ask Olivia for more home references or have Carmen look some up and that's it. She was just a client.

 "Mr. Barba, thank you for everything," you said.

You kissed him on the cheek as another thanks. Barba stood up and grabbed his food, then headed towards the door. She was just another client.


	9. Your Move

"Are you sure you'll be okay? " Barba asked for the tenth time.

"Yes, I don't want you to get hurt because of me ," you said.

"They haven't found you yet."

"I know, thank you for everything, " you thanked.

"Of course," Barba said giving a little smile.

 He lead you back to svu where Sonny was waiting along with Olivia.

 "Seems empty," Barba said. 

 "We called it a night," Olivia replied.

 "Only one bag?" Sonny asked.

 "I don't own much," you said shyly.

 "Barba, can I have a word? " Olivia asked.

 "Sure. Wait here for Olivia -"

 "Actually she's bunking with me," Sonny said.

 "Excuse me?"

 "Barba,  my office," Olivia repeated. 

 "So, I heard you like karaoke, " Sonny said.

 

 "What is this about?" Barba questioned.

 "The case... and Y/n-"

 "I got it under control-"

 "It's been two weeks-"

 "I like to make sure I have all the facts, you know my process-"

 "But it doesn't take two weeks. You have Rosie and Dolly ready for the stand, and Tony and Marco are playing dumb saying they don't need a lawyer so why not prosecute them now? And I'm sure Y/n is more than ready to testify with the amount of time she has spent with you!"

 "I haven't prepped her yet-"

 "Have you asked yourself why?"

Barba stood his ground and flashed his green eyes at Olivia.

 "There is nothing going on between us. I admit I may have let myself get attached but once the trial is over she's gone."

 "I'm not asking you to get rid of her-"

 "Then what are you asking? "

 "Be careful, " Olivia said.

 

Barba made his way back to his office to prepare questions for Y/n. He hadn't been stalling, but he knew putting together this case was taking longer than usual.Maybe it was the lunch breaks with her and getting home earlier just to make sure you ate. No, this wasn't his fault the two were stalling their own trial. The plan was now to prep you tomorrow and the next day take it to court. This wasn't like him and he knew he had to stop. 

 "Mr. Barba, " said a voice.

Barba looked up to see an unfamilar face. The man was slightly tall, squared face with his black graying hair slicked back. 

 "I'm Tootell, I will be representing Anthony Zenger and Marco Rollas. I understand that they are both waiting for their trial," the man said. 

 "They refused council and the judge has graciously given them how ever long they need to make their case. I planned to go to trial the day after tomorrow, " Barba explained. 

 "I see," Tootell walked around Barba's office examining the books and sitting at the edge of his table.

 "Why did they suddenly call for a lawyer?" Barba asked. 

 "Boys realized they couldn't defend themselves so they called me. Now, why don't we have a little talk?" Tootell smiled.

 "I'm listening. "

 "We both know Anthony is guilty as can be,  but Marco, he's innocent -"

 "He assisted the rape of Rosie-"

 "That girl has it all wrong! Now we can get Mr. Zenger for all his crimes, but Marco is innocent! "

 "He may have found a way to not leave his DNA over the victim, but she knows who rapped her-"

 "And what does that Y/n think of my client?" Tootell interrupted. 

Barba shot a look making Tootell smile.

 "Sweet girl, from what Marco told me. He would defend Miss Y/n when Mr. Zenger got rough-"

 "Are you trying to make a deal?"

 "Sure! An excellent idea-"

 "Don't mock me."

 "Let's say you convince Miss Madilne to drop the charges on Marco and let Mr. Zenger take full blame -"

 "No, both of them rapped her both of them are-"

 "So the previous deal made means nothing?"

  "I promised I would drop the attempt murder charges, but the rape still stands!"

 "Mr. Barba, I'm giving a warning. I am not afraid to pull out every card I have-"

 "Seems to me like you're hiding some."

 "Well I can't show you all my magic tricks can I? One last time. Marco goes free, Anthony stays behind bars. That's what Y/n would want."

 Barba sat back in his chair and thought about the deal. How could he have known that you had been second guessing Marco's presence during the rape? Why now out of all times did those two lawyer up?

 "No," Barba said.

 "All right, I gave you a chance. See you tomorrow Mr. Barba. Open that letter," Tootell said, leaving the office. 

Barba remembered the letter he received from the court that he hadn't opened yet. He sighed and realized it was a notice that the trial was tomorrow. How could he stall this long? How did Tootell know that you thought Marco was innocent? Unless you told.

Of course! You made him stall and lose focus. He also didn't prep you and while  stayed in his home you were able to pass information about the trial to Tootell! Barba felt betrayed. But why do all this for Marco? It didn't matter at the moment. If he could get you to open up about personal matters he could get you to confess to this.

                *             *              *

You and Carisi ate a delicious meal he cooked up and were enjoying a karaoke machine from his youth. You could tell he wasn't much of a singer, but you enjoyed a singing partner none the less. 

 "Barba is calling you!" Carisi said, handing you your phone Barba generously loaned you.

 "Hey! Barba-"

 "Anthony and Marco decided to get a lawyer," Barba interrupted.

 "Oh... what does -"

 "Have you visited Marco and Tony?"

 "No! Why would I -"

 "Did you tell anyone that you thought Marco was innocent? " Barba raised his voice.

 "No! What is this about -"

 "I let you into my home, I didn't have to let you stay! I could of taken you back to that shelter and you could of been hurt -"

 "Wait, you think I did or told someone I was staying with you?"

 "Is everything all right? " Carisi asked.

 "I-"

 "Marco rapped a girl, don't you think she deserves justice too?"

 "Barba-"

Sonny looked out his apartment window and noticed an unfamilar car parked on the side.

 "How did the lawyer know? You need to be honest with me now, you can't lie in court-"

 "I'm not lying to you! Why would I? "

 "Once I'm gone you need another place to stay and meal ticket. Marco is your next-"

 "You're not a meal ticket!  Barba-"

Sonny watched the people in the dark. They were dressed in all black and hard to make out. One got onto the roof of the car and looked like they had a weapon. Sonny slowly backed away from the window as the person aimed towards him.

 "Barba!"

 "Get down!" Sonny yelled.

He tackled you down as the window shattered. He shielded you with his body as the glass flew everywhere.  

 "Y/n?" Barba said, hearing the glass shatter from the phone.

 "Stay down!" Carisi ordered. 

He slowly got up, grabbing his gun from the nearby desk.  He leaned against the window,  and peeked out the tattered curtain. The car was gone. 

You slowly got up dusting the glass off you. You noticed a brick with a envelope attached to it. You took off the envelope and opened it. It was pictures of you and Barba in his apartment. You gasped as you looked at a picture of you kissing Barba's cheek.

 "You okay? What's that? " Sonny asked.

He looked over the pictures with you, most of them were innocent,  until a picture of you kissing Barba the second night you were over.  Carisi turned to you curiously.  You turned the photo around and read  the words  ' _move carefully'._ You felt terrified, your body began to shake as you put down the envelope. 

 "I'll call Liv,  don't touch anything this is a crime scene now! Y/n- y/n?" 

 "I am a burden...."

 "No, you're in shock its- is Barba still on?"

Carisi picked up the phone as you sat down in the mess.

 "Counselor -"

 "What the hell happened? " Barba yelled.

 "Your girlfriend and I were attacked-"

 "She's not my-"

 "Well pictures say different! "

 "Pictures?"

 "Yeah... you should come over, " Carisi said.

 

 Olivia showed up with a few police and  another detective.  Barba showed up ten minutes after Olivia, startled at the scene.

 "Hey, counselor, " Sonny greeted. 

 "What happened?" Barba asked.

 "You were on the phone with Y/n and then this black car shows up shoots up my window and leaves this, " Sonny explained,  handing Barba the envelope. 

 "What is this?" Barba asked. 

 "Look... I think you have a stalker."

Barba looked through the pictures and sighed. 

 "I've gotten worse. Is Y/n okay? "

 "She's fine... listen, counselor,  I don't like to pry-"

 "Then don't."

 "Barba, did you-"

 "I saw the pictures. Keep them for evidence, they might still have finger prints-" 

 "Barba, you should check your place for bugs-"

 "I know what I need to do,  thank you. Where's Y/n?"

 "She doesn't want to talk-"

 "Where is she?"

 "In my room," Carisi gave in.

You sat on Carisi's bed, empty and afraid.

 "Y/n, are you okay? "Barba asked. 

 You starred at the wall unresponsive and cold.

 "Y/n-"

 "I'm so sorry, " you managed to stay.

 "There is nothing to be sorry about,  this isn't your fault," Olivia said.

 "I shouldn't have gone to your house that night, I am so sorry," you cried.

 "So you did set me up?" Barba questioned. 

 "No!  I wouldn't do that to you! Barba you have helped me so much,  I wouldn't hurt you!"

 "You better start telling me what you know now because when we're in that court tomorrow I can only do so much. "

 "Wait, it's tomorrow?" Sonny asked.

 "Yes, they got a lawyer.  He came into my office tonight he seemed threatening."

 You sighed and remembered picking up some mail for Barba and opening a letter to find a disturbing note. You rummaged through your purse and pulled out an envelope containing the message and handed it to Barba.

 "I didn't want to show you this... you seemed so busy I didn't want to bother you," you said.

 Barba took the envelope from your hands and read a little of the note.

 "So we're going to trial tomorrow? I'll call Rosie and Dolly, make sure they're ready," Olivia said.

 "You kept this from me?" Barba said.

 "Yes, I didn't want to stress you out -"

 "Anything else you're not telling me?" Barba continued to interrogate. 

 "I- I found a thingy in my bag that records stuff -"

 "You found bugs and you didn't tell me!"

 "I destroyed them! I didn't know what to do! I still don't! "

 "You're going to show up to court tomorrow, tell the truth and hope that lawyer doesn't realize you're a sucker. And whatever you thought this was-" Barba took out the photo of you kissing and ripped it  "-is over. Goodnight. "

Barba stormed out of Sonny's apartment with Olivia tailing behind. 

 "Hey, its okay," Sonny said calmly. "Why don't you get your things and we'll get a hotel?"

 "I messed up big time," you cried.

 "You really care about Barba? " Sonny asked.

You nodded and wiped tears away. Sonny picked up the ripped photo and handed put it together. You looked drunk but in love. He looked confused but empathetic. Sonny looked to you now a crying mess so afraid. He always felt bad for victims especially with crazy cases like this. He never thought anyone would get this emotionally involved with a case and could never guessed Barba would be the one to fall.

 

 "Barba, what's going on?" Olivia questioned. 

 "None of your concern-"

 "It is now! Is it the threats again-"

 "Wow you solved the mystery, want a Scooby snack?"

 "You don't have to get snarky with me-"

 "This is none of your concern-"

 "Y/n is now a target so it is now! You need to find out who these people are and what they want. It's only going to get worse," Olivia said.

 "I have a case to finish, " Barba said leaving.

 "Barba! You know if this gets out of hand like this again you can call me."

 "I know.... Goodnight Olivia."

 

Once Barba returned home he felt a rush of loneliness and sudden dread. He plopped onto his couch and opened the envelope you gave him once more. He read the threat and ignored most of it until the last few sentences.  

  _You will let Marco go free. I am not afraid to pull out every card I have.  Your move._

"All right then, " Barba sighed.

He was prepared for the worst,  he could get them for conspiracy but that would be a stretch and who knows what would be pulled out in court. This was going to be a long trial. Your move...


	10. The Trial

The next morning was chaos. Barba made sure Rosie and Dolly were ready to testify while Olivia and Amanda calmed them down. Sonny and you were no where to be seen; Barba wished he didn't have to use you but he needed to. 

 "I don't know if I can face him again," Dolly cried.

 "Relax, you are going to be fine, " Olivia reassured. 

 "What if they use the video of us kissing -"

 "You may have consented to a kiss but no means no," Barba said, pacing. 

 "Where is Carisi?" Rollins asked.

 "No idea-"

 "Hey, Liv!" Sonny came rushing in with you by his side and a coffee in hand.

 "Where have you been? Court starts in five minutes," Barba questioned.

 "She didn't have any nice clothes I'm sure we don't want her looking like she just came from the club," Sonny said.

 "Is it all right? " you asked. 

Barba examimed your outfit.  You wore a burgundy figure fitting dress that was slightly pass the knee with long sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. You didn't have your usual club makeup on, a nude lipstick with brightening eyeshadow.  You looked sweet and flattering. Barba found himself staring at your lips but quickly shook it off.

  "At least she doesn't look like a hooker," Barba said. 

The smile faded from your face as you looked down in shame.

 "You look fine, are you ready to testify, " Olivia said.

 "I'll say whatever you need me to," you answered.

 "I just want the truth, I'm calling up Miss Park first. Be ready."

 *dun dun*

 Barba was his usual self once in the court. Swift, cunning, mostly to the point and asserting his dominant presence. You couldn't help but have that same feeling again the first time you saw him. The way he paced and kept his professional air all while captivating the jury and subsequently, you.

 "Now did you consent to Mr. Zenger taking you home?" Barba questioned. 

 "Yes."

 "But, did he drive you home?"

 "No. He drove me to his apartment and there he pinned me down and... he rapped me," Dolly said.

 "Did you tell him to stop? Barba asked.

 "Yes, I told him I wanted to go home and he didn't listen," Dolly said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

 "Thank you, no further questions. "

As Barba sat down, Tootell rose running his fingers through his slicked hair and smirking. 

 "Miss Park, lets get right to it. So, you and my client Mr. Zenger were at the bar having a few drinks. That is correct? " Tootell began. 

 "Yes-"

 "And you wanted him to take you home? "

 "Yes-"

 "To do what exactly?"

 "I wanted a ride home. I was too drunk to drive -"

 "Why didn't you call a cab? Or an uber nowadays? "

 "It didn't occur to me at the time," Dolly admitted. 

 "So you wanted Mr. Zenger to take you home and didn't expect anything more?"

 "I didn't -"

 "Well you seemed to want something more in the bar," Tootell turned on a screen in the room showing the picture of her and Anthony kissing.

 "I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing!"

 "But, you knew you wanted him to take you home -"

 "Objection -"

 "I'm getting there, Mr. Barba! Miss Park, are you sure you didn't intend to have Mr. Zenger take you home and have consensual intercourse? "

 "No-"

 "But you did claim you were drunk and you didn't know what you were doing?"

 "Objection! Putting words into the witnesses-"

 "Withdrawn. When Mr. Zenger took you to his apartment did you object? "

 "I wanted to go home! "

 "Let me rephrase that. Did you consensually enter his apartment?"

 "I- I did. I didn't realize-"

 "Let me guess. You were too drunk to realize you were in a foreign place? Could you have also been intoxicated enough to not realize you consented to rough sex?"

 "Your honor-"

 "She will answer, Mr. Barba," the judge declared. 

 "I don't remember-"

 "No further questions," Tootell said.

 Barba stood back up and reappraoched Dolly. 

 "Did you say yes to having sex?" He asked. 

 "No," Dolly answered, tears streaming down her face. 

 "Did Mr. Zenger pin you down and force you to have sex?"

 "Yes."

 "No further questions..."

 

Rosie was next. You realized this was the girl Tony was cheating with. She looked pretty, a little more mature than you. You wondered if he would hit her or if this rape was her first time. 

 "You okay? " Sonny whispered to you.

You nodded and took a sip of the frappacino he bought you. You felt shakey and nauseas suddenly. Your heart quickened, as Rosie swore on the bible you quietly exited the court room in a panic. Sonny curiously followed making sure to not disturb the court. 

 "Hey, what's the matter?" Sonny asked.

You vomited into a near by trash can your legs shook as you held on to the rim for support. Sonny rubbed your back soothingly until you stopped and had nothing more to throw up.

 "Hey... Its okay. Take it easy... you're throwing up like a pregnant woman," Sonny said.

 You looked up at Sonny with tears in your eyes. His expression turned from sympathetic to concerned. He sat you down at a bench and knelt down looking you in the eye.

 "How far along are you?" Sonny asked.

 "Two months... I didn't even know... I found out when I went to the hospital after the thing. They told me but I fell back asleep and I thought it was a dream. I got a pregnancy test and it was positive. Don't tell anyone, please! I can't -"

 "It's okay. Does Barba know?"

 "No! He can't! Don't tell anyone. Please! I'll be fine on my own! I don't -"

 "It's Tony's, isn't it?"

 "Yes... I want this to be over. I'll be fine, " you said.

 "If you need a place to stay for awhile after this, call me, okay?"

 "Okay..."

 

  "And how long have you been dating him?" Barba asked Rosie. 

 "For awhile. About a month," Rosie answered. 

 "And have you consented to sex before?"

 "Yes."

 "And why was this time different? "

 "I was not in the mood... I was tired and he had his friend-"

 "Can you point out this 'friend' to the court? "

 "Yes, its him!"

 "Let the record reflect that Miss Madilne is pointing out Marco Diaz. Please continue. "

 "Marco was there and he wanted to do a three way, but I said no. So, Anthony pushed me onto the bed, held me down, and when I fought back he stabbed my leg and raped me."

 "Thank you. No further questions. "

Now it was Tootells turn. He grinned as if he all ready won the case approaching the stand. 

 "So, Miss Madaline, you have been in a stable relationship with Mr. Zenger for a month? "

 "Yes," Rosie answered. 

 "And everything up to that point was consensual? "

 "Yes."

 "How did you two meet, exactly? " Tootell asked.

 "Well..." Rosie paused and looked off into the distance. 

Tootell grinned wider as he walked back to his desk and picked up a file.

 "What do you do for a living?"

 "Objection,  relevance? " Barba said. 

 "Get on with it,  Mr. Tootell," The judge said.

 "Of course. So, when Mr. Zenger 'raped' you are you sure it wasn't apart of a job?" Tootell said, showing the jury a picture of Rosie on a street corner in a revealing outfit.

Rosie gasped panicking standing up from the stand.

 "That was before okay! He stabbed me! He was going to hurt me because I didn't want to be broken in!"

 "Order! Please sit down! "

 "Your honor,  can we have a breif recess? " Barba asked.

 "Thirty minutes,  Mr. Barba!"

 

Barba and the rest of the team lead Rosie into an empty room. Barba furiously slammed the door behind him and turned to Rosie.

 "You're a prostitute? "

 "I was... I am... I -"

 "Why didn't you tell us?" Benson asked.

 "Would you have believed me? "

 "Yes, he stabbed you, Rosie. He hurt you-"

 "The question is, what else are you not telling us?" Barba asked. 

 "I... I met Anthony by working. I was under a greedy pimp, but I met him and he would buy me out. After awhile we were going steady and my pimp got mad. Anthony and Marco threatened him saying they know this guy and he backed off. After a month with him I wasn't working until Anthony mentioned he and Marco knew a guy that would pay me better. I said I wasn't interested, but he didn't take know for an answer. He said to break me in he had to see if I could handle three ways and I tried to fight back-" Rosie cried into her hands. 

Barba sighed rubbing his temples as Benson comforted Rosie.

 "I'm sorry I was a waste of time. I don't think-"

 "Rosie,  no matter what you are he still hurt you. You still have the right to testify," Benson said. 

 "The jury will think she's not credible giving she's a prostitute," Barba said under his breath.

 "We still have Y/n's testimony, we can bring her up," Rollins said.

 "Where is she?" Fin asked. 

 "She left the court with Carisi,  let's go-"

 "Councillor, " Carisi said, entering the room. 

 "Great, where's Y/n?" Barba asked. 

 "I don't think she can testify today," Carisi said.

 "And why not?"

 "She's... not feeling well. She's in the bathroom."

 "Carisi, we need her to testify today to still have the case, " Benson said.

 "Isn't the jury good with their stories? "

 "They may not be, we need Y/n's story to show Anthony's dark side, " Barba explained. 

 "Can it wait till tomorrow the poor girl is throwing up. "

 "I'll see what I can do," Barba sighed.

 "I'm sorry," Rosie apologised. 

 "There's no need to be," Benson reassured. 

 "Tell Y/n to feel better quick. I doubt the judge will want another recess."

 

 

After a hard battle over another recess,  Tootell left the court room with the same grin on his face. Barba sighed as he packed his belongings ready to meet with the judge to see about adding the conspiracy charges onto the case. If Tootell was going to play dirty might as well add that card to the game. Then again if he did, those photos of him kissing you might be brought into court. Maybe he could get by with just the note and the attempt attack at the women's shelter. Of course not,  he knew better.

 "Mr. Barba! Do you still need me?" You asked,  entering the court room 

 "Tomorrow,  we're at a recess," Barba answered.

 "Oh, ok. The room is spinning!"

 "Sit down, " Barba said, pulling his chair out for you.

 "Thank you. My heart is racing. I'm not used to all the caffeine. Oh gosh -"

 "What's the matter?"

 "I'm fine!  I'm fine..."

Barba sighed. You looked pale and a bit sweaty. You were sick, the pressure must be too much for you. So sweet and naïve. Barba loved the way you still smiled at him even though you looked like hell slipped you a disease. 

 "Mr. Barba," you spoke up.

 "I'm sorry, I have to meet with the judge," Barba said.

He wanted to leave before Tootell got to the judge.  He wanted to leave before he let his guard down again and continue to fall for you.

 "Okay-"

 "Why don't you stay here, I'll come back and prep you for tomorrow. "

 "I got no where else to go, " you smiled.

 "I'll be back."

Barba left with that last comment stinging his ears. He couldn't trust you again, you could have brought the bugs to take the pictures.  You could be setting him up for all he knew. At the same time, you seemed to innocent and sincere when you were defending yourself last night. It could all be a bluff. One thing for sure Barba was going to do whatever it took to get you out of his mind as long as he was on the case. But what about after?

You having lunch and dinner with him everyday again. Coffee all ready set in the morning with a little note next to the mug. A sweet voice telling him good night as you wrapped your arms around him. It was odd how quick you felt comfortable with him and stranger how quickly he let his guard down in that time you were together. No more of it. Barba wished he could have that again but he knew even after the trial it would be suspicious. 

He had a spotless reputation to keep no matter what came his way. He handled the hard cases. He was respected and one of the most respected and successful lawyers he knew. A girl like this could ruin him. 

Barba entered the judge's office, Tootell had a file in his hand and the judge was holding pictures. Tootell greeted Barba with a wink and a smile while the judge looked up with a disappointed look.

 "Mr. Barba," the judge said.

For all Barba knew he was a ruin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! How's the fic? Trash i know right? Sorry for the wait I'll try to be quick with updates! Sorry this is a slow burner


	11. The Trial prt 2

 Barba stood in line for a cart while the sun began to warm up his chilled cheeks and nose. The morning was cold but as the afternoon rolled the warming sun brought a little life to the court house. 

 "Barba, what happened? " Benson asked, approaching him with Sonny by her side.

 "They want a miss trial-"

 "Miss trial?  We have them good for the rapes! Who cares if one of them was a prostitute -"

 "She's not credible anymore. It's hard enough with the bar video of Dolly and Tony kissing," Barba interrupted Sonny. 

 "So, we still have him for the attempted rape and abuse of Y/n," Olivia reminded Barba. 

 "That's where it gets better," Barba said sarcastically. 

 "What do you-"

 "Tootell had the pics of Y/n kissing me. He claims N.Y.P.D. and I have a vendetta against Tony."

 "How did he get those photos? " Sonny asked. 

 "I don't know. I was gonna ask Y/n."

 "Listen, counselor,  I know you and Y/n have some issues and relationship problems, but she wouldn't sell you out."

 "Really? "

 "We can ask her a few questions when she gets here. Isn't it odd that Tootell was able to get those photos?" Olivia said.

 "That's why I brought up and explained the recent harassment against me and her. I went for the conspiracy charges, but Tootell said that since I seem too attached to this case that it should be a miss trial. I then went for the exclusionary rule; the judge bought it, but without accusing him of breaking the law (which Tootell denied) the evidence could be mentioned if absolutly necessary and relevant."

 "He can't use the pictures -"

 "But he can still try to call me out... yeah," Barba interrupted Olivia.

 "So, thats it? We just let this go to waste?" Sonny said, in defeat. 

 "It's not over yet."

 "Detectives!  Mr. Barba!" You smiled,  walking up to them in your outfit from yesterday. 

 "Hey, Y/n! How ya feeling? " Sonny smiled back.

 "Better! I hate mornings now. Do you still need me to testify?" You asked.

 "Yes, and we need to ask you a couple of questions, " Benson said.

 "Oh, sure! Anything!"

Barba noticed the light in your eyes as you continued to talk to the detectives,  especially Sonny. He grabbed his bagel and coffee and watched as you batted your eyes whenever Sonny and you made eye contact. He wasn't jealous,  just curious at your sudden bond.

 "Let's go into the court house to talk about this, okay?" Benson said.

 "All right!"

 

 "So Mr. Barba was talking with the other lawyer and the judge, " Benson began.

 "Is everything okay?" You asked,  leaning against a wall.

 "No, they want a miss trial, " Barba said sharply.

 "What's-"

 "They have the pictures of you kissing me, " Barba cut you off.

 "How did they get that? You had them last, right? Wait, didn't you tear one up?"

 "They had another copy."

 "How did they get that?" You asked. 

 "I don't know. You had the bugs in your purse," Barba said, taking a sip of his coffee.

 "Counselor-"

 "You still think I have something to do with this? Why would I? "

 "At first you believed Tony was innocent even though he beat you. You then believe Marco was innocent-"

 "That's enough! Y/n we just want the truth," Benson tried to calm you both down. 

 "I am telling the truth! When I found those things in my purse I destroyed them! I didn't want to bother you with it you were so busy with this case! Sonny said to push aside my feelings and when I finally listen I pay for it? I thought I had feelings for a hard working man who was strong, who had a sense of self and intelligence beyond anyone else. I thought that was beautiful... my mistake! " you said, storming out of the room.

 Barba was utterly shocked, but he didn't show it. Benson turned to Barba with a surprised expression as Barba continued to sip his coffee.

 "I'll go get her, it's been a rough morning," Sonny said. 

 "You made quite the impression on her, " Benson said.

 "You'd be surprised."

 "So... do you feel any of this back?"

 Barba thought about it, did he like her back? Did he genuinely have feelings for this girl? She was sweet and kind, but a bit of a mess. He was too, but she seemed to not care or notice his little flaws. Then again, he hid everything so well.

 "No," Barba said.

That felt like a lie, but it would have to be the answer for now. 

 "You're going to have to convince the judge that. You can always come talk to me about different feelings when this is over, " Olivia offered. 

 "Thank you, " Barba said. 

 "I'm going to check -"

 "Go ahead. "

This was a mess to begin with. To think it all started with you complimenting his eyes. You loved his eyes. Barba smiled thinking about moments he caught you staring at them and turn away blushing once you were caught. You had your quirks and so did he. Now only to convince the judge not to have a miss trial and then the jury to send these bastards away.

 

Benson caught up with Carisi outside the women's bathroom. He looked stressed and a bit anxious.

 "Hey, is she okay? "

  "Fine, been having mood swings all morning,  Rollins said it's normal!" Carisi answered. 

 "What's normal?"

Sonny looked as if he just been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. He sighed rubning the back of his neck.

 "Don't tell Barba this, okay?"

  "Okay?"

 "Y/n is pregnant -"

 "With his?"

 "Oh god no! With Tony's! She's two months. I think it's best if we don't tell Barba and we keep this hushed up. If he finds out they can really use it as a motive to let them free and more evidence for their vendetta. "

 "You're right, you're right," Benson sighed.

 "You don't know about this either. She trusted me to keep her secret."

 "All right. Did she say anything else?"

 "No. The pictures, I bet you those two knuckle heads planted the bugs or had someone do it for them!"

 "Evidence, Carisi-"

 "Yeah, I know. Did you ever get anything on the women's shelter attack?"

 "No, everything was cleaned by the time we got there. Plus, no one saw anything," Benson said. 

 "Right."

 "Detective Carisi, I'm so sorry," you apologised, walking out of the bathroom. 

 "Hey, its okay, you're okay," Benson said, soothingly. "Look, I know you and Mr. Barba are not on good terms right now, but-"

 "I will still testify. I know the other girls didn't go so well, this isn't just about me," you said.

 "That's right, thank you for understanding. "

 "Thank you, detective Benson. So, when do we start?"

     *   dun dun.   *

 "Miss Y/n, you have been with Mr. Zenger how long now?"

 "Almost a year," you answered Barba from the witness stand.

 "And in that time how would you describe your relationship?"

 "It was fine at first. Until he would hit me and use me..."

 "You have made a report previously and dropped charges, why is that?" 

 "I thought it was a one time thing at first... I thought if I stayed good and loyal that he would stop so I dropped the charges."

 "Did he ever stop?"

 "No..."

Barba showed pictures of the recent damage that Tony has inflicted on you. Some of the jurists lightly gasped at the photos of the cigarette burns and bruises. You looked over to Tony and Marco wanting to see their reaction to the jury. Marco looked worried and sympathetic towards you while Tony seemed smug.

 "Did you ever tell him to stop?" Barba asked. 

 "Yes...."

 "And what would he do when you did?"

 "He would gag me or burn me more telling me to shut up."

 "And did Marco ever witness the beatings? "

 "Yes..."

 "Did he try to stop it?"

 "Sometimes... but he gave up after awhile knowing Tony wouldn't stop. After he usually offers me ice or helps me up-"

 "So, Mr. Zenger's behavior was normal?"

 "Yes... I hoped he would be nice and I would do anything to please him. I hoped for the best when I was with him and made it seem like everything was okay. I didn't think he would hurt me like this last time I saw him -"

 "And this last time... when you arrived at his hiding spot he attempted to rape you-"

 "Objection, your honor!"

 "The witness will answer, Mr. Tootell," the judge said.

 "Yes... I never thought he would after all that time with him," you said.

 "Why didn't you leave?" Barba asked. 

 "I had no where else to go. If I really left I wouldn't have a place to stay or any friends left-"

 "Thank you. No further questions."

 Tootell rose with a hefty sigh as a he approached you. 

 "Miss Y/n, you claim Mr. Zenger would beat you, is that correct?"

 "Yes."

 "And you were hesitant to report to the police until recently? "

 "Yes."

 "Why? "

 "After awhile I didn't think they would help... I was afriad and-"

 "So could you say the N.Y.P.D. gave you hope, courage to finally report?"

 "Yes-"

 "And could you also say they very carefully persuaded you to cooperate and plot against my clients -"

 "Objection -"

 "I'll rephrase.  Did the N.Y.P.D. make you feel comfortable?"

 "Yes."

 "Comfortable enough to get away with reporting your injuries and maybe set up a vendetta against Tony with your help-"

 "Objection! "

 "All I'm saying is without you they have no credible evidence against my clients-"

 "Your honor-"

 "Withdrawn!" Tootell smirked. 

 This man was intimidating as hell! He steped towards you, the closer he was the more you smelled the cheap cologne, like Tony used to wear. You remembered on some days when he went out he would put it on and when you asked where he was going he would slap you. 

 "Miss Y/n?"

 "Yes! I'm here! I'm sorry," you said, the scent sending a shiver down your spine.

 "Did the N.Y.P.D.  tell you to bring a knife and napkin containing DNA and the blood of Miss Park?" Tootell asked.

 "Yes-"

 "How exactly did you get that evidence?"

 "Tony had a knife and told me to wash it so I did-"

 "So, you tampered with evidence? "

 "I didn't mean to! I had no idea-"

 "So, there is a possibility that it was just a regular knife Tony could of asked you to wash? "

 "I didn't know at the time. It was wrapped in a bloody napkin-"

 "The one the police told you to bring in, am I correct?" 

 "Your honor, is this getting anywhere?"Barba asked. 

 "I'm getting there. How exactly was N.Y.P.D. so specific on evidence? You seemed so sure on what to bring, did the N.Y.P.D. place the napkin at your apartment -"

 "Your honor-"

 "No, they didn't, " you answered.

 "Hmm..." Tootell turned to Barba then back to you with a new shine in his eye. "It seems to me you and Mr. Barba are on the same page-"

 "We're just friends! I mean, I'm nothing to him, just a client," you said. 

You looked at Tony, you noticed the sudden jealously in his eyes and shrunk in your seat. You hated when he got jealous, it was the worst. Not only would some poor sap get a taste of his anger you would get all the wrath. 

 "Miss Y/n, we seem to be losing you," Tootell said.

 "Sorry... can you repeat the question?"

 "Did Mr. Barba ever encourage you to report the injuries? "

 "Yes, its his job, right?"

 "It falls in the line. But did you feel like you were ever more than a job?"

 "Your honor, we discussed this yesterday-"

 "The jury has a right to know all facts pertaining to this case-"

 "That has nothing to do with the case!"

 "Both of you, approach now," the judge ordered.

You sunk into the stand. Were you answering okay? Barba prepped you, but that seemed useless now. You looked over to Tony once more, he was red with fury as the lawyers finished talking with the judge. 

  "Your honor,  there is no way that Mr. Tootell could possess these photos without being in line with the ones who spied on my home and took them," Barba fought.

 "Your honor,  these photos were given anonymously to me in an envelope which I have showed you. The people have a right to know that the N.Y.P.D. and Mr. Barba wouldn't have a case if that girl didn't help with their vendetta-"

  "Objection! "

 "Mr. Barba, is right you cannot use those photos. However, since you seem determined to prove the N.Y.P.D. has a vendetta against your client, you may mention the affair, but don't base your whole agruement on it," the judge said.

 "Thank you, your honor," Tootell smiled. 

 He turned to you once more with the full evil grin. 

 "Miss Y/n, let me ask you again, did you ever feel like you were more than a job to Mr. Barba?"

 "No -"

 "Even though you kissed him?"

 You blushed from the reactions of the jury and instinctively looked away meeting Tony's raging eyes. You turned again seeing Barba's ashamed and worried face.

 "No! I was drunk and stupid, it's not his fault-"

 "It's okay, you are a very attractive young lady, no need to feel embarrassed a man is attracted to -"

 "He's not! It was all my drunk mistake! I should of never gone to his home, I should of just- those pictures were taken by some weird spy stuff. How did you get them?"

 "Miss Y/n, I'm going to ask you to calm himself," the judge said. 

 "Why would he have a vendetta against them? They could of been spying-"

 "Birdy!" Tony snapped quietly.

 "I'm sorry, " you whispered.

 "Thank you. I know being on the stand can be difficult. So you were drunk when this happened?"

 "Yes."

 "And did Mr. Barba try to stop you from making any further advances?" 

 "Yes."

 "Why were you drinking so much that night?"

 "I... I was... celebrating in a way-"

 "Celebrating? What occasion? "

 "I... I was happy that they were going to catch Tony-"

 "With your help? "

 "Yeah- I thought something bad was going to happen to me so I was drinking -"

 "So you and the N.Y.P.D happily arrested my client-"

 "He beat me-"

 "Are you sure? You didn't cause a fuss before you worked with svu- before you met Mr. Barba-"

 "Objection-"

 "Wrap it up Mr. Tootell," the judge said. 

 "That's all. No further questions..."

       *               *              *

You stood outside the court house smoking and occasionally leaving a new burn as a reminder that if Barba lost the case it was because of you.

 "Hey, you okay?" Sonny asked.

 "Fine!"

 "Smoking isn't good for the baby," Rollins said.

You remembered Sonny calling Rollins that morning to make sure the excessive vomiting and mood swings were normal. You sighed as you walked to an ash tray putting out the cigarette. You threw your hands in the air in defeat not caring anymore.

 "Anything else?"

 "You did great for all the pressure that guy was bringing. You really tried to stick out for us," Sonny said, hoping to make you feel better.

 "Yeah, telling everyone I'm a slut! Nice work!"

 "Listen, I know how hard it is to be up there. Most people just answer the questions and let the lawyers bully them. But, you're a fighter -"

 "Thank you, detective Rollins, but I just need to hold my tounge."

 "He scared you in there, didn't he? " Rollins asked. 

 "Yeah..."

 "But you still pushed back! That's amazing -"

 "How?"

 "You're healing," Rollins said.

 "I- I'm going to walk-"

 "Why don't we just go back to the hotel? Come on, I'll grab you something to eat," Sonny offered.

 "I-"

You noticed the crowd of reporters swarming Barba as he walked the steps of the court house. The words you can make from the buzz were 'scandal', 'lover', and 'no'. Sonny patted your shoulder urging you to leave the scene.  You nodded taking his lead away from the clicks of cameras and flashing lights. 

 "My client has been beaten and nearly raped. Whether her previous actions were out of line or not she and the others deserve justice. Thats all," Mr. Barba said to the press.

You caught the last bit of Barba's speech to the press as Sonny lead you to the car. You deserved justice too, you reminded yourself. You deserved justice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Just thought you should know I write this late at night like from 11 pm to 2 am piece by piece so that's why the chapters are long and take forever (sometimes I like to sleep)! More soon!


	12. The Trial prt 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I have ever written

 "Listen, Y/n, I don't think you should go to court today," Sonny said, outside the hotel bathroom door.

 "I'm fine, " you weakly said from the bathroom.

 "You don't have to go. Barba doesn't need you today. "

 "I said I'm going to the court! " you semi- yelled before vomiting into the toilet. 

 "Y/n, stress isn't good for the baby-"

 "I don't care I -" you vomited again with the horrible burning acid making your eyes water- "I don't feel good!"

 "I know... just stay here and I'll get you some ginger ale or something. Okay? "

 "Fine," you gave in.

 "There's a store down the block I'll be back!"

 "Okay..."

Sonny made his way to a little store and bought you a sprite when a sudden call from Olivia startled him.

 "Hey, how's y/ n?"

 "Fine, but she's coughing up three years worth of food," Sonny answered Olivia.

 "Great... I don't want her at the court then -"

 "I know, I 'm just getting her a soda then I'll head to the court in a -"

 Tootell walked into the store confidently. Sonny quickly hung up and finished purchasing the drink and attempted to make his way out.

 "Morning, detective!"

 "Morning," Sonny greeted.

 "It's a bit early for some pop right now. "

 "It's not for me. A witness has a stomach ache," Sonny replied carefully.

 "I heard that Miss y/ n is staying with you in a hotel for the time being.  Be careful, detective.  That girl charmed Barba,  you don't want your job on the line too," Tootell warned.

 Sonny nodded when his phone went off again; this time it was a call from you.  Tootell noticed and gave a little smile while Sonny excused himself. 

 "See you in court, detective. "

Sonny answered your call cautiously and started heading back to the hotel.

 "Detective Carisi -"

 "Hey, you did tell anyone that you were staying in a hotel with me? "

 "No, who would I have to tell? "

 "Right. Listen, I'm heading back, I really need you to stay put, okay? I'll be right there. "

   *           *            *

 "You're late -"

 "Sorry, I was checking the room for bugs. Hey, Counselor, that Tootell is a creep! " Sonny said.

 "I know. I was able to pull the exclusionary rule... a little too late but at least its striken from the record, " Barba said, sipping his coffee.

 "He must have someone spying on us -"

 "Carisi -"

 "Liv, there's something going on here that we're not looking into," Sonny interrupted.

 "We'll deal with it later. It's time to go," Liv signed. 

 *dun dun*

Olivia was all ready fed up with this lawyer. He previously called Sonny and Fin up to the stand and accused them of making you get the knife with Anthony's dna on it. He was trying to sell the vendetta idea and the jury was slowly buying.

 "Sergeant Benson, you and detective Tutuolia were the ones that first ones to go and inform Miss Y/n that her boyfriend was accused of rape?"

 "Yes," Benson answered Tootell.

 "And you also informed her that he allegedly stabbed and rapped another girl?"

 "Yes."

 "Did you tell her about a knife?"

 "No. She said that Anthony came to their apartment with a knife wrapped in a blood stained napkin. She brought in the knife the next day."

Tootell realized he wouldn't get the story he wanted with Benson and sat down. Barba made sure to make the detectives credible again with Olivia's testimony. It seemed to slightly worked but once Tootell was back with Anthony on the stand, the jury was once again buying Tootell's words.

  "Mr. Zegner why were you at her apartment that night? " Tootell asked Tony. 

 "Rosie and I were going to have a few drinks at her place and just spend time with eachother," Tony answered.

 "Was your friend, Marco Diaz with you at the time?"

 "He stopped by, but left. We wanted to be alone."

 "When you were alone what did you do?"

 "We had rough consensual sex. She wanted to be a little risky and asked for a knife to be held against her but I said no, it's too dangerous."

 "And did she persist?"

 "Yes, but I still said no."

 "Then, how did the knife contain Miss Madeline's blood and a little of your dna?"

 "I took the knife out of your hand if that's what you're asking.  I have no idea how the blood was on there. I didn't stab her she must of done it to herself to make it look like I did."

 "Now, did you mention a knife to Miss Y/n?"

 "I did. I told her to bring utensils-"

 "For what?"

 "For the place I was staying at."

 "Why didn't you go out and get them yourself? "

 "I was afraid the N.Y.P.D. was going to arrest me for crimes I didn't commit."

 "What made you think that?"

 "I got a call from Marco previously that he was arrested for rape. He warned me and said not to go out. I also had the neighbors around looking out for me to see if the cops would come. I didn't rape no girls and I won't be in jail because the N.Y.P.D. hates me," Tony said as if he rehursed it.

 "So, Miss Y/n knew you needed supplies and she brought only a knife?"

 "Yeah. Marco told me he saw her kissing the lawyer in the bar, I figured they got to her, but let her in anyway."

 "Your honor, relevance? " Barba said.

 "One moment Mr. Barba. What do you mean by "got to her"?"

 "Th N.Y.P.D. and that lawyer tricked her into making it seem that I would hurt her. Yeah I said some stuff, but only because she was threatening me physically and I know the only way to calm her down is to be firm."

At that moment you snuck into the court room and into the back row. Tony noticed you in the back and tried to pull the most innocent look he could.

 "I wouldn't really hurt Y/n, she's my first love. She knows that and now they brainwashed her to think I'm the bad guy! I swear they have something against me! I love you, Y/n."

 Barba didn't have to turn around to realize you were in the room. He drank the water in his glass wishing it was scotch.

"Thank you. Now, about Miss Park... how did you meet her?"

 "In a bar, she was drunk and started kissing me and asked me to take her home," Tony answered.

 "And did you?"

 "Yeah, I took her back to my place and she said she wanted to go home, but wanted to do it first. "

 "Do what exactly? "

 "Consensual intercourse. "

 "So, she consented?"

 "Yeah, she wanted it. I don't know why she would change her story. Yeah, I admit I shouldn't be sleeping around but, it was all consensual.  I'm sorry if I hurt you girls... I'm just a lover," Tony said faking sincerity. 

 "No further questions. "

 Two male jury memebers softened their expressions as Barba stood up ready for battle. 

 "Mr. Zegner, you claim that the girls all consented to you. Yet, they all have physical evidence proving otherwise such as the stab wound, stitches-"

 "What can I say, they like it rough."

 "So, you did stab Miss Madline?" Barba asked.

 "I uh... no. She done it herself-"

 "But you just heartily admited you caused those wounds?"

 "I did not stab her. "

 "Right... now you claim Miss Madilne asked you to use a knife in bed?"

 "Yeah-"

 "And can Marco confirm that? "

 "Yeah- I mean, no. He wasn't there."

Barba gazed intensely at Tony, wondering what did the girls see in this creep.

 "May I remind you Mr. Zegner you are under oath?"

 "Yeah, and birdy is under you, huh?"

 "Mr. Zegner!" The judge warned.

 "I mean I knew she was desperate for someone to mooch off of but come on, an old man?"

 "Mr. Zegner."

 "What does she got on you, huh? Just want to be with a young one? "

 "Mr-"

 "You want to talk about Y/n? Fine, let's talk about her. When Y/n came to the apartment you were staying in why did you attempt to rape her?"

 "Mr. Barba-"

  "Can I direct the people's attention to the audio." Barba said,  pressing a button.

 The recording from the set up echoed throughout the room. The anxiety and adrenaline hit you again. The clash of the bottle, him pinning you to the floor, all new again. 

 "I only said that, nothing really happened," Tony said.

 "Really? Y/n has the stitches to prove something did-" 

 "So I broke a bottle!  She attacked me! She was trying to put me in jail for you!  I was just going to hold her down till she calmed down-"

 "You said 'do you want me to touch you like they did... do you want me to lay a hand you like they did'... I don't think that would calm her down-"

 "I was scared! I heard she's kissing you! I know the cops are after me and I panicked!" Tony said.

 "You also threatened and almost raped Miss Y/n in your panic state-"

 "Objection! " Tootell yelled. 

 "Over ruled," the judge said. 

 "I want to go back to that statement, 'do you want me to touch you like they did', what does that mean exaclty?"

 You felt your stomach drop. You didn't want to bring up your past in front of strangers. You wanted to sneak out and go back to the hotel, but you knew that would look suspicious. 

 "Birdy was raped when she was younger -"

 "And you wanted to do the same thing-"

 "Objection! "

 "Have you used her trauma before to get her to do what you want?"

 "Your honor -"

 "Withdrawn."

 "I wasn't going to use her like you are right now-"

 "Mr. Zegner! I will not warn you again," the judge said. 

 "Your honor,  can we have a brief recess so I could calm down my client?" Tootell asked. 

 "Twenty minutes. "

 

 "I told you to stay in the room," Sonny said, pulling you into an empty room.

 "I just wanted to see what he had to say... he loves me," you said.

 Sonny looked to Olivia then back to you, figuring out how to word this carefully. 

 "Y/n... You... You don't beleive him,  right?" Sonny asked.

 "I- I -" You looked down and remembered what and how you got to this point. It was all because of them encouraging you and making you see Tony in a different light. 

 "I don't know, " you replied.

 "I have him, but Tootell has him trained," Barba said.

 "You need to go home," Olivia told you, ignoring Barba.

 "No. I could use you, you're not going to like it-"

 "I don't want to be used by you anymore," you interrupted. 

 Barba was taken back. She couldn't be possibly falling for Tony again, could she?

 "Y/n, do you want Tony to-"

 "I don't know what I want anymore!" You snapped.

 "You should go-"

 "No!" You snapped at Sonny. 

 "Y/n, I understand you're confused and hurt. It would be best if you go home for the rest of the day," Olivia said, calming you down. 

 "Why did you have to bring it up? It was bad enough Tony knew,  the whole world didn't have to," you said to Barba, tears escaping your eyes.

 "Y/n, I'm trying to expose Anthony for the monster he is. He hurt you, he hurt two others. He cannot get away. You are the last credible story and if the jury believes yours they will believe the others. I'm just doing my job," Barba explained.

You felt a new wave of nausea hit you. You looked away from Barba in terror and ran to the nearest trashcan. The bagle you bought earlier came up as Barba sighed and turned to his breif case.

 "Okay, let's take you outside!" Olivia said, escorting you out.

 Barba mummered something under his breath while Sonny was about to follow until he thought he heard the word 'pregnant' from Barba.

 "Pregnant?" Sonny said outloud.

 "Pardon?" Barba asked.

 "Nothing, Counselor! " Sonny said, brushing it off. "What did you say? "

 "Nothing important... why? Is someone you know with child?" Barba asked.

 "Yeah... yeah..."

 "Do I know the person? "

 "I have a feeling we're talking about the same person, but I want to know how you found out," Sonny said. 

 "They told me when I picked her up from the hospital. How did you figure out y/n was having a child? Besides from the recent vomiting."

 "She told me. And I told Rollins and Liv-"

 "I did not hear that you told them and I have no knowledge that she is having Tony's child. That would make things worse."

 "I know. Maybe that's why she's confused. What will happen when she has the baby? She can say it's someone else's or give it up, but-"

 "I know... twenty minutes is almost up. Let's get to it."

 

Ten minutes back into questioning Tony and directed every question back to the vendetta. 

 "Mr. Zegner,  the recording has you threatening Miss Y/n-"

 "Until N.Y.P.D. steps in," Tony interrupted. 

 "That is they're job, someone was threatened and-"

Barba scanned the court room and found you sitting next to Olivia. Perfect. 

 "So, you say that the N.Y.P.D. set you up... How again?" Barba asked, looking at you. 

 "Well, you kissed my girl. You must want her so you have to get me out of the way" Tony answered, noticing Barba's attention towards you.

 "Continue."

 "You're also eyeing Birdy right now."

 "I am? Permission to have Miss Y/n here with me, your honor? "

 "Objection! "

 "Why, Mr. Barba?" The judge asked.

 "Y/n is an attractive woman, why not? And since I seem to brainwash and seduce Y/n, I want Mr. Zegner to tell me exactly how again. Also, if Mr. Zegner wants to tell her anything-"

 "I'll allow it, but keep it quick, Mr. Barba," the judge said. 

 "Go on," Olivia said to you.

You timidly walked towards Barba, you could feel everyone staring and judging your every move. You felt your heart skip a beat when you made direct eye contact with Tony. Barba took your hand pulling you right beside him and closer to the stand. You couldn't look at anything but the floor. 

 "No need to be nervous.  Now, Mr. Zegner, remind me again how I use Y/n against you."

 "You got close to her," Tony answered.

 "How close," Barba wraped his arm around you,  taking a step closer to the stand. 

 "Like that! "

 "Like what-"

 "You, putting her arm around her and telling her stuff and kissing her!" Tony nearly yelled.

 "I kissed her-" Barba took another step with you along with him "- in Detective Carisi and Tutuiola's testimony she kissed me."

 "Mr. Barba-"

 "Don't be afraid. If he would never hurt you, you wouldn't be afraid," Barba said, taking another stride.

 You wanted to run crying, but you were trapped. You met Tony's gaze and trembled. It was the same look he gave you when you were on the stand, the same look when you brought the knife, the same look when he saw you talking to someone else, the same look when you said you would leave and he struck you for the first time. 

 "That's right, she kissed me first-"

 "You're lying-"

 "Mr. Barba-"

 "Almost done, your honor. Now, I'm sure it has been brought to your attention the second incident in which Miss Y/n comes to my home and-"

 "Did you sleep with him?" Tony spat at you.

 "Mr. Barba, please," you whispered. 

 "Mr. Barba,  please let Miss Y/n back to her seat," the judge said. 

 You finnaly looked up and you were closer than you thought. The memories all flooded back as if Tony was death and this was your final moment. Barba moved his arm and wraped it around yours.

 "Of course," you heard Barba say, as he began to take you back to your seat. 

Time seemed to stop. Just one simple gesture confirmed Tony's accusation even if it wasn't true. You knew this, you knew the crazy look in his eyes. It was all your fault, this could of been prevented. You froze. 

 "You slut!" Tony shouted.

He lunged toward you with his fist first. You crashed onto the floor with your head slamming down. Everything went blurry. The sounds were fuzzy and a high pitch was ringing in your ear. The most audible thing was your name faintly being called along with the gabble banging. 

 "Are you okay?" Rollins asked,  helping you up.

 "I'm fine," you faintly answered. 

 "Order! I said order! Back to your seat! Mr. Zegner-"

 "My client apologizes for his actions, your honor. Shall we proceed?"

 "I should take you to the hospital. You all ready have a bump," Rollins said.

 "I'm fine, " you said weakly.

 "All right, after the trial then."

 "You're eye," Benson commented, moving hair away from your face.

You could feel your eye swelling and put your hand over it.

 "You just healed."

 "I know," you whispered. 

 "Mr. Diaz,  where were you on the night of the alleged asult?" Tootell began questioning. 

 "I was out with Tony and Rosie, walking around town,"  Marco answered. 

 "How long were you walking around?"

 "For an hour or two, then Tony and Rosie wanted to be alone, but they offered me some drinks. I went to the apartment, had a drink or two and then left them alone."

 "Were you in the room when Tony and Rosie had intercourse? "

 "No."

 "Then why would she accuse you of rape?"

 "Maybe she felt guilty about the sex and got confused - I don't blame her, but I forgive her for putting me through this and I hope we could live past this."

Benson looked around the room to find Rosie sitting in a corner shaking. Her eyes were wide and teary as Marco spoke. 

 "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no evidence, no DNA putting this poor man in that room. There may be some from having a drink, but none on her body or any seamen left that would prove that she was raped- or if they even had consensual sex! The defense rests," Tootell said.

 "Mr. Diaz..."

You noticed Rosie was in the room too. You didn't care much, you knew Tony would cheat here and there and learned to live with it. You told yourself when you smelled perfume that it was your own until you finally believed your own lies. Your only wish is that he only hurt you and not anyone else. That's the only reason you took each blow and burn for so long... You had to be the only one. 

 "Y/n. Y/n," Carisi called. 

 "Huh?" 

 "We're waiting for the jury. You're burning up," Sonny said.

 "I just need water," you said. 

 "All right, let's get you some."

 Benson followed you and Carisi out when she felt a small tap on the shoulder. 

 "Detective Benson," Rosie said.

 "Rosie, you-"

 "There's something I need to tell you," Rosie breathed. 

 "What is it? "

 "He's going to get away with it, isn't he?"

 "Rosie-"

 "He can't get away! They came into my house made it seem like he wasn't there!" Rosie began to cry.

 "Rosie,  let's talk somewhere else," Benson said,  leading Rosie to a more private area.

 "What's going on?" Benson asked.

 "Marco and Tony... There's more too them! Marco did rape me but he has friends! He has connections! They came into my home and strapped me down and-"

 "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

 "Because they were wearing masks and I don't know who they were!  But Marco sent them and they said if I said anything they would kill me! They don't care if Tony goes away he's just a pawn and Marco is the master mind.... and they're only step one!" Rosie cried.

 "What do you mean they're only step one? Rosie-"

 "Marco... he seemed so nice when I met him and said he would get me away from sex work but he only wanted me for more! He is going to kill me if he gets out! You can't let him-"

 "Okay, calm down. I will have cops-"

 "Some are in on it too! They are everywhere!  You can't trust anyone! If they could stalk me and remove the evidence-"

 "Rosie, it's going to be all right. Why don't you go home until we get this sorted out, okay?"

 "Please don't let them kill me!"

 "They won't. Why don't you go home and I will meet you there. We will talk about this more, I just need to talk to the other detectives about arranging protection for you.  Okay?" Benson said soothingly. 

Rosie nodded and headed out as Sonny approached Olivia. 

 "What's wrong with her?" Sonny asked.

 "She's afraid Marco is going to get away so she tells me that people came to her apartment and removed his DNA and threatened to kill her if she told anyone," Olivia explained.

 "Do you believe her?"

 "I don't know... how's Y/n?"

 "Stubborn.  I think she has a concussion, but she won't go back to the hospital until she hears the verdict."

 "This may take awhile..."

 

Awhile was an hour or so. You could hear your heart beating out of your chest. They final say, this would determine your fate. Would you continue to live in constant confusion and mixed emotion under a shadow of fear with a child?  Or, would you be on your own thrown against the wolves with nothing but a baby and the hopes of maybe getting your life back with more chance of failure? You couldn't fail with a baby. You had nowhere to go and no stable home. Your family wouldn't take you back.  They'd laugh and say 'there goes the failure with the child of a loser in her arms as they both come begging for help.'

 "... rape of Rosie Madeline and Dolores Park... guilty," A jury memeber said. 

 You looked at Tony and began sobbing. You felt happy but at the same time scared.

 "...And for the attempted rape of Y/n, guilty."

 "You're okay, everything is going to be okay, " Olivia reassured. 

 "... for the rape of Rosie Madeline we find Marco Diaz.... not guilty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long update. I started school and I'm taking government and i realized that some of my fic was contradicting the law so i fixed it... im going to be super busy so updates might be every month or two im sorry


	13. Not Guilty

Not guilty. Of course Marco would be free! He was always so nice and funny. At the same time there was a pulling feeling in your gut telling you something was off.  Or was it the baby...

 "Hey, you okay?" Sonny asked, handing you a bottle of water.

 You nodded holding your stomach and sipping the water. There was a knocking at the door. You flinched in response,  Sonny slowly got up and answered it. 

 "Barba, now doesn't seem like a good time, " Sonny said.

 "Is she all right?" Barba asked.

 "Doc said she's fine and the baby is fine too. Just gave her some pills for anxiety and analgesic for her head," Sonny answered.

 "Anxiety pills?"

 "Just to calm her down from the trauma and to make sure she doesn't lose the baby from all the stress. She hasn't spoken a word since the hospital..."

 "Can I still talk to her?"

Sonny looked to you. You were rubbing your stomach and starring off into who knows where.

 "She's out of it..."

 "I just need her to listen," Barba said.

 "Okay... you're not going to get much out of her, though."

Barba entered the hotel room cautiously and sat next to you nervously on the edge of the bed. 

 "Hello," Barba greeted.

You didn't take your eyes off the blank t.v. nor did you take your hand off your stomach. Barba took a deep breath and continued.

 "I'm sorry for what happened in court. I didnt expect or intend for you to get hurt. Usually they attack me from the stand. I- You have to understand I'm just doing my job. I didn't mean to bring up your childhood trauma or cause you this much stress. It's my job to prove that you were really raped and if that means I have to bring out the ugly to put monsters away... I'll do it..."

 You didn't respond. Barba took that as a sign to leave and sighed as he stood up. 

 "Wait," you said. 

 You stood up and became so close you could hear him breathing. He smelled like coffee. You remembered him coming home still smelling like coffee from the day. You wished you could kiss him on the cheek or make him smile like you did the two weeks you were with him. 

 "What do I do now? " you asked. 

What you wanted to ask was what do I do without you. He had helped you so much through this. You didn't want to lose him.

 "I can't answer that question... You need to decide what is best for you and your child -"

 "How-"

 "The doctor told me... take care and stay safe -"

 "Wait! " you repeated. 

Barba stopped one last time as he looked into your eyes. You always melted in his green eyes. 

 "Thank you so much. For everything," you said.

 "It's just my job, " Barba smiled.

 "Good bye," he said.

Barba left the room pretending he didn't notice your heart break in two. You felt the air leave your lungs as he closed the door behind him. 

 "Good bye," you said faintly.

          *           *          *

 "I'm telling you,  it was like I was watching a lifetime drama and I wanted to shout 'just kiss! '" Sonny said. 

 "That would make a good lifetime movie... the lawyer and the client, " Fin said, pondering on the idea.

 "Well, I'm glad this case is over. It was a wreck from the start, " Rollins said, as she tossed a newspaper onto the desk with Barba on the front page along with the word 'scandal '.

  "You can't blame the man for a girl being attracted to him then getting drunk and kissing him. He tried to keep this professional as possible," Fin said. 

 "Yeah, well they don't cover that in the story," Rollins said. 

 "Hey,  we got a suicide possible murder," Olivia said,  putting on her jacket. 

 She noticed the newspaper and scoffed at the front. 

 "Funny,  do they mention the guy abused her for who knows how long? "

 "Nope, they just like the scandal," Rollins answered.

 "Hey,  Liv, do you know how to contact lifetime? " Fin asked. 

 "I'll go with you," Sonny said,  ignoring Fin.

 "Just asking...."

 "Great, no one show Barba this if he stops by. Lord knows what kind of hell the D.A. is giving him right now. Come on, Sonny," Benson said.

     *         *        *

You decided to go back to the apartment Tony had and pack your belongings. You managed to find the keys to the old car he took from you and decided a few weeks in there wouldn't be too bad. It had been two days since the trial and the apartment owner gave you a week to get your things.

 "Knock knock," said a familiar voice.

You turned around to see Marco standing in the doorway. You jumped at the sight of him dropping a box of shoes.

 "Nice to see ya, birdy," Marco smiled.

 "Hey... whatcha doing here?" You asked. 

 "Came to get Tony's stuff. Heard you were packing too and just wanted to stop by... You uh, got a new place?" 

 "No... I'm just playing everything by ear now..." You replied. 

 "Oh, in that case, move in with me. I got plenty of room. Ya know, Tony ain't getting out any time soon so we could hang out. I won't hurt you like he did," Marco said, helping you with a box. 

 "Yeah... that will be great. I got-"

 "I'm not going to hurt you, birdy. You could trust me."

 "Yeah... okay..."

You continued packing what little you had and moved onto the kitchen. Marco followed you, playing a small box on the counter. 

 "I loved your voice. Voice of a pretty bird - voice of an angel," Marco complimented. 

 "Thanks..."

 "You found a job?"

 "No..."

 "Huh. Say, what if I told you I could get you a high paying job?" Marco said.

 "Um... what is it? I haven't worked in a while," you replied nervously.

 "Don't worry, you don't need much skill. All you need is that pretty face and kind heart."

Marco reached his hand out to touch your face. You flinched then turned your attention to your phone. The phone Barba gave you was still in perfect condition, despite nearly landing on it. It still had service too. You figured going to return it would give you an excuse to get away from Marco and think things through for a moment.

 "Is that a yes?" Marco asked. 

 "Ye- sure," you answered.

 "All right. There's some drinks let's celebrate!"

 "Oh, I can't drink!"

 "Why not?"

 "Cause the baby-" you put your hand over your mouth. 

 "Baby? What baby?" Marco asked.

 "I uh... I'm pregnant..." 

 "Huh... that won't do... you can't have the baby," Marco said. 

 "Oh... hey, I just remembered I need to give this phone back," you said wanting to leave.

Marco's expression turned cold. You held the phone close to you and cautiously lowered your left hand to your stomach. 

 "He gave you that... didn't he?" Marco questioned 

 "He?"

 "Rafael Barba. That lawyer who almost put me away -"

 "It's just a part of his job! He didn't mean anything by it! He was nice to-"

 "Is it his?"

 "No! I'm two months in. It's Tony's! I gotta return this. He must want it back! I'll catch you later!" You said trying to hide your desperation and panic.

As you tried to leave Marco grabbed your arm and yanked you toward him. You dropped the phone and your legs started to shake. 

 "P-please... Marco... you have been so nice and good to me. I told them you were one of the good guys! I just need to-"

 "You're  not going anywhere! "

 "Please! I just-"

 "I'm not going to hurt you, birdy! I may clip your wings a little, but not hurt. You may not like it but its what's best. You'll make a perfect madame once we break you in, " Marco said.

 "Let me go!" You squirmed.

 You were free of Marco's grasp, you darted towards the door and grabbed the knob. Marco pulled you by the legs bringing you down to the floor. You landed on your stomach,  but you still put up a fight.

 "Stop it! Birdy! This is for your own good! "

Marco pulled out a cloth from his pocket and climbed on top of you. You froze remebering this all too familiar situation. You felt helpless and afraid. There was no squad coming for you this time as Marco put the cloth over your mouth and nose.

 "There's a good girl. Now, to get rid of that baby..."

   *          *        *

 "The neighbors found her strung up, called us," a cop explained to Benson and Carisi.

 "Though, the other neighbors heard screaming and rumbling. They also called but by the time we arrived it was too late."

 "So, that's the reason you think it's a murder,  some rumbling? " Sonny asked.

 "Yeah," the cop answered.

 "Why did you call us?" Benson asked.

 "Cause... just look who's dead." 

Benson and Carisi exchanged confused looks as they entered the apartment where the crime scene took place. 

 "Oh no," Benson gasped.

 "My god," Sonny chimed in.

 Rosie hung from the ceiling of her apartment with the same outfit she wore the night she was raped.

 "Oh no... this is my fault," Benson said to herself.

 "Hey,  don't say that! "

 "I didn't check up on her, after the trial. I promised I would-"

 "Liv-"

 "Oh dear god... I want all possible DNA, anything at all! I need her phone to know who she spoke to last-"

 "Liv -"

 "I need statements from both neighbors-"

 "Liv! There was nothing we could do," Sonny said.

 "Yes... there was. Call Rollins and Fin have them go make sure Dolly and Y/ n are safe... and call Barba."

      *       *       *

It had been a hectic two days for Barba. The D.A. was up his ass over this case and the newspapers slandering his name and glamorizing a scandal. He didn't know how much more he could take. 

 "Mr. Barba,  your mother is here, " Carmen said.

 "Thank you, " Barba said.

 Lucia Barba stormed into her son's office with a paper in her hand. She threw the paper onto her son's desk with fury and planted her feet firmly on the ground. 

 "You wanna tell me what this is?" Lucia snapped.

 "Hola, mami," Barba greeted. 

 "This is not funny! You think it's okay to throw your good name out like this? To give up everything you worked for over some.... whore?"

 "She was just a client who stepped over the boundry. If they got my side of the story they wouldn't have anything to write about," Barba said.

 "Pensé que te crié mejor..."

 "Mami-"

 Barba's phone started to buzz cutting him off. 

 "Liv? "

 "Hey, do you have the phone you gave Y/n?" Benson asked. 

 "You gave her a phone? " Lucia exclaimed, listening to the conversation.

 "No, why?"

 "Rosie is dead. We checked up on Dolly she was fine and she visited Y/ n yesterday. She said she was at Tony's apartment packing but when we arrived everything was gone. Owner said she was unconscious and taken by Marco and we want to get a hold of her," Benson expalined.

 "She should have it and it should be working-"

 "Don't tell me you paid for her bill too!"

 "Mami please! I'll call you back, Liv. Text me if you find her."

 "Will do," Benson said and hung up. 

 "Rafi, you worked so hard for what you have. Why would you want to throw it all away for some girl?" Lucia asked.

 "Mami, I kept this as professional as possible -" 

 "You should of just let her go! You didn't have to do more than you should have! Now this and her will never go away!"

 "That's where you're wrong.... Y/n might be missing...."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bare with me with the dark stuff I promise it will get better. Maybe not soon but it will come.


	14. Clipped Wings

 "It's been a week, how do we not have anything?" Benson asked furiously. 

 "The phone was found in a dumpster, be thankful it wasn't her body, " Sonny said.

 "We checked Marco's apartment,  his mothers, and no one has seen them!"

 "Hey, if there's nothing more we could do-"

 "Don't, Rollins. I know she is out there... we just have to keep looking," Benson interrupted Rollins.

 Benson slammed the door behind her office as the team continued to stare at the board.

 "We can't find her with this... we have other cases," Sonny said in defeat.

 "Yeah... she's still beating herself up over the suicide? " Rollins asked.

 "Seems like it," Sonny answered. 

 "If I know Liv, she will forgive herself and realise it wasn't really her fault. She just needs some time," Fin told the others. 

 "How's the search?" Barba asked, stopping by with his breif case in his hand.

 "Still nothing, we're stuck," Sonny said.

 "I see..."

 "Is I.A.B. and the  D.A. office off your back yet?" Fin asked.

 "Hardly. They would ask for a statement from Y/n but.... these things don't get easy, but in time they go away," Barba said.

  They all looked desperate and exhausted.  Barba took one last look at your picture on the board wishing it was really you and not another person forever lost. 

 "I have things to do... night, " Barba said,  leaving the precinct. 

 The whole week Barba would go to the karioke bar where he found her once in hopes that she would show up again. Of course he knew it was impossible but one could still try. 

 "You still haven't found her?" The bar tender asked.

 "No. They give up,"  Barba sighed swishing down his scotch. 

 "Poor girl... you know you could always try other clubs or places-"

 "They did... she's not there," Barba snapped.

 "Sorry... wait..." the bar tender said, and started looking around his counter.

Olivia sighed as she walked into the bar taking a seat next to Barba. 

 "This isn't really your scene," she began.

 "I know, I hate karioke. Thank God no one usually comes on Tuesdays.

  "She came here?" 

 "Yeah... I found her here the first time."

 "I'm sorry,  this could have been-"

 "Log, it's okay. There's nothing you could do anymore," Rafael said.

Liv sighed in defeat as the bar tender sprang up with a box full of napkins. The two curiously turned to the bartender who rummaged through the box and joyfully pulled out an old yellowing napkin.

 "Way back when they would pick up birdy they stayed for awhile one time about bringing her into something. They were trying to be quiet about it, but they knew I was listening so they wrote down an address to some place. I think it's a warehouse," the bartender said.

 "Thank you! I'll send people out right away," Olivia said, taking the napkin and getting up.

 "How long have you had this?" Barba asked. 

 "For awhile now. I just remembered. Find her,  okay? This place is dead without her."

 

*           *             *

You were tied to an old bed blindfolded and shivering. The cold air covered your body like a blanket and the pool of blood they made stained and smelled making you sticky. 

The baby was gone. They took it, ripped it from you like it was nothing. You realized there was  no escape now. No one was going to save you. 

 "She's looking healthier today, " said a voice. 

 "She's doing better. Can we break her in now?" Asked Marco.

 You cried out, wishing they would just kill you instead. 

 "Marco, please, " You cried as a cold hand moved up your body. 

 "Don't worry, we did you a favor. How are you feeling?" Marco asked.

 "Please. Let me go!" You continued to cry. 

 "We're going to clean up the blood. We will be careful. You know, birdy, it always seemed that I worked for Tony, but be worked for me. I'm big around here. I recruit and I pick the best. Now, I want someone taking good care of the girls I get and I know someone as sweet as you will take real good care of them. But, we gotta break you in first. Then you will be top all ready, birdy," Marco explained.

 You felt another set of hands explore your body as you squirmed in defiance.

 "Please... not again... please!" You begged.

 "I won't hurt you, " Marco whispered in your ear.

 All you could do was cry. You were helpless and you didn't want to be. How you wished you could just fly away but your wings were clipped. You just had to accept this was just going to happen all over again. And maybe, it would just have to be this way for the rest of your life.

 

*         *         *

 "I got something!" Olivia said , throwing the napkin on a desk.

 "Really? It's an old napkin," Amanda said.

 "It could be where they're keeping Y/n! I'm going to get swat-"

 "Whoa, Liv, how did you get this?" Sonny asked. 

  "The bartender at the karaoke bar gave it to me. He said he saw Tony and Marco talk about it one day-"

 "So we're just going to charge right in?" Sonny asked. 

 "This is the only lead we have. I'm not taking any chances."

 "All right, you are usually right about these things," Sonny said. 

 

The team was ready for whatever awaited them at the warehouse. This could be a total dead end or the lead they've been waiting for. Liv lead the way of course cautiously stepping along with each best of her racing heart.

 

 "The cops are here!" Someone shouted.

Marco looked at birdy's bruised and touched body lifelesly laying on the mattress. 

 "They can't find her. They'll take her away. Untie her and get the boys to kill," Marco said, pulling a gun from his sweater.  

 

 "Move come on!" Liv ordered. 

A bullet sped passed Liv and were suddenly flying everywhere. 

 "Get down! " a swat member yelled. 

The squad took cover as the bullets kept flying. Some swat members aimed for the top of towers ending some of the bullets travels. They rammed down a door of the warehouse cautiously entering and escaping the bullets. 

 "Don't move a muscle!" A voice boomed. 

At the other end of the warehouse Marco stood with a gun to your head.

 "No one shoot! Marco, put the gun down! No one has to get hurt!" Benson said.

 "Help me!" You cried. 

You were still blindfolded but you recognised Benson's voice.

 "She's scared, you don't want her scared-"

 "I know she is! She's always scared," Marco interrupted. 

 "Why is that?"

 "Because Tony made her scared. But I'll treat her right... she's going to be scared at first but this is best..."

 "Okay, we all want what's best. Okay,  so put the gun down. She doesn't want-"

 "She's not going back to you and that lawyer! He took advantage of her!"

 "No! No! He helped-"

 "He almost sent me to jail!"

 "Marco please! " you sobbed. 

 "It's okay, Y/n. Marco, just hand her over... drop the gun," Benson said soothingly. 

 "I am going to help her! I've helped her all ready! Now she doesn't have a baby to worry about! And she will have a stable job, live with me, and take good care of the girls I bring in."

 "Look, Marco,  she's bruised and bleeding-"

 "That was apart of breaking her in. But, it will heal-"

 "Just let me go! Please!" You continued to cry and beg. 

 Marco moved the gun under your chin and toom off your blindfold. You looked up to him in fear and tears streaming down your face. He always had a soft spot for you,  especially when you were crying. 

 "What have I done?" Marco said, putting the gun to his head.

 "Wait! Put the gun down!" Benson shouted. 

"I'm so sorry," Marco apologised to you.

 "Drop the gun!"

 "Marco-"

Bang. The blood splattered over your face and his body landed on yours. Benson and Sonny rushed to your side as they removed Marco from you. 

 "Are you okay? " Benson asked.

 You couldn't answer. You felt so numb. You've known this man for years and you didn't think he could rape or kill himself.

 

The ambulance ride was empty and the the hospital was a blur. You didn't feel anything or notice what was happening to you. 

 "Is she okay?" Benson asked the doctor.

 "She is fine... she lost a lot of blood and.... the baby. She has vaginal trauma and we're giving her some pain medicine," the doctor replied. 

 "Thank you-"

 "I got your message.  How is she doing? " Barba asked,  rushing in.

 "Fine. She's alive... but the baby is gone. She was raped by multiple men and... She's going to be okay.  She'll make it through this," Benson said. 

 "I hope so. Is she?..."

 "We haven't been able to speak to her. We just got here too."

 "All right."

 Barba, Benson, and Carisi moved the curtains where you sat up in your bed staring at the blanket. 

 "Hey, Y/n, you feeling better?" Benson asked. 

 You didn't respond. Barba looked at the bruises mixed with hickies and the redness from being tied up. He always looked at the pics of his clients but never up close and personal. 

 "Hey, the doctor said you're going to be  fine," Sonny said. 

 Still no response.

 "Y/n, do you want to-"

 "No. No more. I don't want to go through anything again," you finaly said.

  "Y/n, people hurt you-"

 "No! Not again!" You said with tears in your eyes.

 Benson nodded and signaled Carisi to follow her out. 

 "Y/n, I'm so sorry,"  Barba said.

You let the tears stream down your face as Barba headed out as well.


	15. Two Months Later

Rollins and Sonny drove around trying to find parking at their usual Chinese restaurant. Their delivery guy was out so they had to pick up the order themselves. 

   "There was one right there," Sonny pointed.

   "That was a fire line-"

   "No, it was a perfectly good parking-"

    "Sonny- wait? Is that?..." Amanda trailed off. 

It had been two months since the trial and two months since the incident. You were walking- more like staggering - away from a man who looked like to be in his forties. He grabbed you, you weakly tried to push him off you.

   "Come on, let's go home," the man urged.

   "No-"

    "Come on!"

   "Hey! She said no!" Sonny yelled from the car.

   "Buzz off!"

   "Oh yeah?" Sonny flashed his badge and the guy let you go.

    "Get in," Amanda said.

You wobbled and staggered to the car and got in. You felt dizzy and empty. You're head was spinning and then you realized who called you over.

    "Detectives?"

   "Hey, you okay?" Sonny asked.

    "Yeah, just a bad date," you tried to smile. 

   "Do you want us to take you home?" Rollins offered.

    "That would be nice," you said nervously.

   "Just tell me where."

You couldn't find an apartment to save your life. No job would take you since you had no experience, and you didn't want to go into sex work. Your expirence in the past damaged you too much to even consider. You had been living in your car.  All the stuff you owned was stuffed into the car and you felt miserable. You managed to find an old laptop and used it to sign up for a dating website to get meals from guys. 

    "Just drop me off here. I can walk," you said.

    "You sure?" Rollins asked. 

   "Yeah. Thanks," you said.

You left the car and walked quickly hoping they wouldn't notice your stuffed car. You glanced back every so often making you dizzy. You stumbled to your car and sat down. Your car was freezing and it wouldn't start. You didn't have the energy to grab a blanket so you sat there freezing drifting to sleep.

It seemed like an hour later when you heard a tapping at your window. You jolted awake and saw Sonny at your window. 

   "Hey, you hungry?" Sonny asked.

You opened your door and stepped out. You felt weak, the car caught your fall. Sonny noticed you must have dropped about 20 pounds. You looked so frail in your date dress that was loose now.

    "Take off those heals, I have sandals in the trunk-"

   "I have my own. Thanks..."

   "Do you have a coat?" Sonny asked.

   "I got a sweater. Let me get it..."

You looked around in your car for sandals and a thin sweater. You slipped those on and waited for Sonny's response.

    "Are you hungry?" Sonny asked again.

    "Yeah..."

    "Well, let's get something to eat. I hope you like Chinese food."

 

Once back at the precinct, you received suspicious looks from the rest of the squad and whoever you passed by. You didn't think anyone would remember you. You sat at Sonny's desk at nearly fainted at the smell of Chinese food. It was warm and heavenly to you.

   "What happened?" Benson asked Sonny quietly.

    "On a bad date... she looked like she was going to pass out-"

   "Did someone touch her?" Benson interrupted.

   "No-"

   "Is she here to report something?"

   "No-"

   "She needs to go," Benson said.

   "She's sleeping out of a car-"

    "There's a woman shelter she can call, then that's it."

    "Hey, how you doing?" Finn asked you.

You nodded your head yes as you chewed noodles while half were hanging from your mouth. 

    "You look skinny... have you been drinking?"

 You nodded your head yes again and wondered if he could smell the sweat and liquor from the club you were at. It was supposed to be a dinner date. 

    "You should slow down then, don't want you getting sick. "

You took Finn' s advice and chewed slowly. That didn't stop you from shoveling food in your mouth however.

    "Hey, if you need a place to stay there's a shelter I could call," Sonny said, coming over to his desk.

  You finnaly swallowed your noodles and took a breather from eating.

   "Tha-"

   "Evening," Barba greeted.

You flushed in embarrassment. He was here. Of course he was here! Just your luck. You were at your lowest and of course he would see you miserable. Perfect.

   "Evening," Barba nodded to you.

You looked away from his gaze and continued to eat. Out of all the times he had to see you, it had to be now.

   "Lets go into my office," Benson said.

 You secretly watched as he left with to Benson's office and sighed.

   "I have to go, thank you for the food," You said.

   "Do you want me to-"

   "No thank you. I have to go," you interrupted Sonny.

    "Okay... stay safe out there," Sonny said as you left with the box of Chinese food.

 

   "What was she doing here?" Barba asked.

   "Sonny was just helping her out," Benson explained.

   "Oh... she's not doing good?" Barba said, wathcing you leave.

   "I don't know... it's been two months and they finally got off your  back-"

   "I know... I know. Where did they find her?"

   "On a bad date. Sonny said she looked like she was going to pass out." 

   "Oh, I hope she's okay."

  "I'm sure she's fine," Benson smiled.

  

 

You walked back to your car. It was a long walk but you enjoyed the city at night. You ignored the cat calls as you walked by and the random stares. You made it to your car and decided to try to start the car just to get the heater working. It never worked before, but it was still worth a shot... 

You inserted the keys and a miracle happened. You quickly turned on the heater and let your hands feel the glorious warmth. Perfect.


	16. Don't Tell Barba

Barba had to forget her. Oh how he tried! The way she looked at him when he saw her. She looked sick and worn out. And she left, she just left!

   "It was a bad date, councillor," Sonny explained. "She looked dizzy and I think he wanted more than she wanted to give."

   "Right," Barba sighed.

Why was she out? What happened in the last two months that made her want to start this type a life again? No. It wasn't her fault. Maybe she couldn't get a job or something or was trying to move on. 

   "Barba? Barba!" Olivia called. 

Barba snapped out of his trance and looked around at his reality. 

    "Sorry, continue..."

As Barba packed up his office at the end of the day, Sonny knocked. Barba nodded for him to come in and continued gathering his things. 

    "Evenin' councilor," Sonny greeted.

    "Evening."

    "Hey- are you okay?" 

   "I'm fine, why?"

   "You seem off... is it-"

   "No! It's not her," Barba snapped.

    "I could take you to where she's staying-"

    "You know where she lives?"

    "Sure, just don't- she's sleeping out of her car," Sonny said.

Barba' s heart dropped.

     "Oh... well then... I don't think- she just left after I said one word-"

     "She's been through a lot. Come on, I'm sure she won't object to seeing you."

Sonny took Barba to your parked car to find you weren't there at all. Barba' s heart sank further as he say your stuffed car and sighed.

  "She's probably out. I'll take you home," Sonny said.

   "I'll stay here," Barba said, getting out of the car. 

He didn't know why he was determined to stay, she could be in some other guys bed the whole night for all he knew. Sonny parked the car behind yours and gestured for Barba to come to the window.

    "I go get some coffee, I have a feeling this is going to be a long night."

Of course, Sonny was right. They waited about two hours with coffee and a pizza. Another two hours passed by and Sonny went out for more coffee and burgers.

You walked to your car with your skimpy sweater over your shoulders. You were always so damn cold all the time for no reason. You walked to the car and noticed a nice looking man standing by it. Wait....

    "Y/n?"

You turned around and started walking back at the sight of Barba hoping he would just go away.

   "Y/n! " Barba called again. 

He chased after you, wondering why in the world you were walking away.

   "Y/n-"

   "What!" You snapped, turing around.

Barba stopped in his tracks and adjusted himself.

   "How-how are you?" Barba asked, cautiously.

   "How am I?" You laughed.

Barba noticed you were in a dress that was losing its luster. You must of worn it on special occasions before, but now it seemed just like work clothes. Your knees looked irritated and your legs were skinnier than usual. You had bags under your red eyes and your makeup was smeared. 

   "Are you-"

   "I don't need a handout today, thank you," you interrupted.

  "You know, I don't have to check up on you-"

   "Then why are you here? To mock me? To laugh in my face? To look at me and say 'wow you failed! Look where you ended up! You're pathetic and worthless-"

   "I'm not going to say that-"

   "Then what? Why do you want to see me like this? I-" you leaned against the wall to catch your breath.

You felt dizzy all of the sudden and needed to calm down.

    "You're so cold," Barba said, reaching for your hand.

Sonny pulled up and parked behind your car again. Barba tried to lead you to the car, but you pulled yourself away from him.

   "I'm fine!" You said bitterly.

   "Fine! All right then... if you need anything-" 

   "I'm fine! Just leave me alone," you said, holding back tears.

Barba went back to the car and slammed the door shut.

    "What-"

    "Take me home..." Barba grumbled.

         *                      *                   *

 Several weeks passed by and Barba wasn't in a kidding mood. He was more straight business than usual, but with a whole lot of attitude. This behavior began to bother the detectives and when they tried to ask him what was wrong, he snapped.

    "Barba is being more of a pain in the ass than usual," Amanda finally said.

    "Leave the guy alone, he is growing through something," Sonny said.

    "Hey, we got the place where the victim works, ask around, see if there's any cameras," Olivia said, handing the address to Amanda.

   "All right, Fin let's go," Amanda said

 

It was a lousy strip club. The recent victim said she was kidnapped and raped after walking from work. She said she saw the guy earlier at the club and didn't think much of it. 

The joint was stuffy and smelled like cheap perfume and lust. Amanda looked around at the desperate men looking at the gorgeous girls while Fin tried a girl who wasn't in the lap of a man taking his money.

   "Excuse me, Miss, can we talk to your manager?" Fin asked a girl who was wiping a table.

  "Yes- oh no," you said.

You stood in your daisy dukes and low cut crop top high heels in front of the two detectives who were as shocked as you were.

   "I- let me go see if he's in his office-"

  "Hey, it's okay. We're here about-"

  "I know why you're here... I sent her to you myself. I just didn't think you would be here- let me go check for you," you said.

Fin and Amanda followed you to the manager's office despite your subtlety in asking them to stay put.

   "I don't dance or anything... a good friend put me up in bar tending classes. I just got this job and I can't-" 

   "It's okay," Rollins said to you.

   "Armanda, the girl your case is on... She's my friend she's letting me stay with her and her fiance and she helped me get this job," you explained.

    "That's great, getting back on your feet," Fin smiled.

You approached the door and turned to the detectives.

   "Let me knock first, he's usually... busy," you said.

You knocked on the door and heard a thud. 

   "Leave me alone!" A groggy voice said from inside.

   "Sir, there's detectives here to talk," you said.

There was more rumbling from the office and a small girl stepped out sheepishly and opened the door for the detectives.

   "Come in," said a beer bellied scruffy man.

 You entered with the detectives into the office. It smelled like sex and was dark, but you could tell there was stains on the carpets from god knows what. 

   "I'm detective Rollins and this is detective Tutuola. We-"

   "I thought I told you to hush up sparkle Barbie," the boss interrupted, turning to you.

   "Her name is Armanda, sir, and she was-"

   "It wasn't on my property, it's not my problem!"

    "She said she was raped walking from work. She wasn't sure exactly where, you have a camera out front can we see the footage?" Fin asked.

The man sighed and ate a chip from a week old bag.

   "All right, birdie Take them to the room. I'll talk to you later," the man said.

   "This way," you said, leading them out of the office.

    "Is he always that charming?" Rollins asked sarcastically.

    "He has his moments. I try not to push I just got this job," you turned to the detectives with a frightened yet serious look on your face. "Don't Tell Barba!"

    "I'm sorry-"

    "Don't Tell Barba! Don't Tell him where I work or that I'm helping! Don't tell him anything!" 

    "We can't promise that much... but we promise we won't tell him where you work," Fin said.

    "Thank you... the room is this way."

You lead the decteives to a darker room with monitors of the club. A young man with jet black hair and a scrawny figure turned around startled by visitors.

     "Oh, birdie! Who's-"

     "This is detectives Tutuola and Rollins, they need to see the footage of the night-"

    "I was just about to tell you I found it! Took me awhile but I found it!" The young man smiled and directed your attention to a monitor. "I didn't think I would find anything, but it turns out she left the club with him. I don't think she noticed though."

 The monitor showed a blond woman stumbling to leave the club with an older looking man who's face they could barely make out.

    "I got it on disk too!" The young man said, pulling it out of his desk.

    "Thank you so much, Henry!" You smiled.

    "Anything for you birdie! And if you need anything else let me know!"

    "Thank you," Rollins said, taking the disk.

    You helped the dectecives navigate their way back to the main entrance and passed the guys grabbing for you.

     "So, that guy working the monitors?..." Rollins started.

     "He's such a sweetheart! He wanted to he a security guard but is too scrawny! I asked him to find something because I knew you would be asking," you explained.

    "And where were you when this happened?" Fin asked.

You looked around to see if anyone noticed you and sighed.

    "I was... we got into a fight... she was mad at me for not... she and I are trying to quit drinking and I guess that made her cranky and I ticked her off. She drank something a guy gave her I don't remember mixing it well but... I let her drink and after awhile she seemed out of it. Earlier she told me not go home so I went to sleep in my car and didn't check up on her-"

    "Hey, it's not your fault. You're doing what you can to help now and that's all that matters, " Rollins reassured.

    "Okay.. if you need anything else you know where to find me."

 

Back at the precinct, Amanda and Fin told Olivia and Sonny about your whereabouts and brought the dvd.

   "Great, I'll call Barba tell him we got evidence and ask for a warrant," Olivia said.

   "But she must know the truth will come out eventually," Sonny said.

   "I don't think she realized that, but she got us the tape," Rollins said.

    "So do we really not tell Barba?" Sonny asked.

    "Well... well keep it vauge until he asks. But I promised not to tell, you two didn't," Fin said.

    "Fair enough. Let's call Barba," Sonny said.

   

 

 

You went back to the apartment you shared with Armanda and David. David was of course drinking coffee and working on his novel while Armanda watched WWE. You set down your keys and looked in the fridge for something to eat. 

    "There's pizza at the bottom and coke," Armanda said.

She tied her long blond hair in a bun and sipped her beer. Her beer...

    "You can't be drinking that," you said.

   "Watch me," Armanda snapped.

    "Fine! Only this time. You've been through a lot," you said reaching for a beer.

   "Just because I can doesn't mean you can!"

   "I've had a long day-"

    "No, you get too emotional when you drink I don't want anymore tears on my couch!"

    "Fine!... dectecives came in today who are working on your case... they got footage," you said trying to lighten the mood.

   "Great," Armanda said, taking a long drink of her beer.

   "They're gonna help-"

   "Perfect!"

   "Manda-"

   "It's time for bed," David declared, preventing a fight.

   "Fantastic!" Armanda sighed and rose from the couch.

Once she left to the room, her fiance drained his coffee and whispered to you: "How did you deal with it?"

    "I don't know... I didn't I guess," you admitted.

   "Will you ever get over it?" David asked.

You paused thinking about those horrible memories and your time in court.

   "I guess not. Oh well..."


	17. Rafael Barba part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know Barba is not on the show anymore and I wanted to quit this fic... but I'll write till I'm finished because I'm sad but happy Raul is doing Broadway stuff now.... anyway enjoy

 They got the warrant and arrested a Martin K. Jetter. He was an older looking man with an shadow of a beard and small glossy brown eyes. His arms were long and big and looked like he could easily over power a girl like Armanda.

Of course they called her in for a line up and a statement of what happened that night. She arrived at the precinct with her fiance, David and looked like she wanted to murder everyone, or wanted a extra cup of coffee.

   "Armanda, were going to-"

   "This is a line up, I know," Armanda interrupted Benson.

    "All right. This is Mr. Barba he will be re-"

   "This is Barba?" Armanda scoffed.

    "Yes... how-"

    "I thought you would be cutier!" Armanda said bluntly.

     "Sorry, she's not herself," David apologized.

    "Let's get this over with!" 

    "This way," Benson said.

Benson was a little on edge with the way Armanda was acting, but she understood she was under a lot of stress.

    "Take your time, just say his number," Benson said as a group of men lined up.

 Armanda sighed and played with her hair. She didn't look up. David put his arm around her and she finally lightened up.

   "One," Armanda said, looking at the men.

   "Thank you," Benson said. "Now Mr. Barba would like to take your statement-"

   "Can David be with me?" Armanda asked.

   "Of course," Barba answered.

Armanda looked around and noticed a kids room filled with coloring books and crayons.

   "Can we talk in there?" Armanda asked pointing to the room.

   "Um... are you sure?" Barba asked.

   "Yeah," Armanda said.

Barba lead the couple into the children's room awkwardly wondering why on earth she would want to talk in here. Armanda headed straight for the princess coloring book and crayons sitting awkwardly at the kids table.

   "Sorry, Y/n got me into coloring as a way to cope," Armanda explained.

    "Oh... You know Y/n?" Barba questioned.

    "Yeah. She lives with us, got her a bar tending job at the place I work at."

'There it is' Sonny thought walking in to offer the couple anything.

     "Would you two-"

    "No thanks. Y/n prepped me for this I know how it goes," Armanda said.

    "Great, let's begin then," Barba said.

    "Okay-" Armanda picked up a black crayon and began coloring- " during work Y/n and I were chatting it was kinda a slow day. I work at the high heels club, and this guy came up and grabbed my ass while winking at Y/n. I thought no big deal happens all the time, but Y/n wanted to make a big stink about it. I told her to cool it. Anyway, later on she gives me a soda and some water and then the guy comes back and orders real drinks. He starts flirting with Y/n and asks her for a dance, but she turns him down because she doesn't give private dances or any dances."

Armanda paused and switched out her black crayon for a red one and continued.

   "The guy wouldn't take no for an answer saying he needed her, but she wasn't having it. So I offer my services and he takes it. After the dance Y/n gets upset saying she can handle herself and that I didn't need to do that and that I should of said no no matter how good he paid. I kinda crossed the line and said 'at least I don't have to sleep with guys just to get food'. That was fucked up of me since she hasn't slept with anyone since... You know..."

She pressed hard on the crayon breaking it. She took a deep breath and reached for a blue crayon.

   "We argued and the guy ordered another drink and he gave it to me. Y/n and I have been laying off the liquor so I can help her with her problem, but I was pissed so I drank it. I felt dizzy and weird and I kinda remember walking out of the club with him. The next thing I know I'm tied up and not in my own bed and when I try to call out a rag is put over me and I-"

 She broke the other crayon in frustration. David patted her back and handed her a green crayon.

    "I wanted to scream the whole time. He raped me... David said I was gone for two days."

    "Did he let you go?" Barba asked.

   "He untied me. He wanted to clean me up but I elbowed him and ran. I ran all the way home..."

Armanda held back tears and finnaly looked up from her drawing.

    "I honestly thought you would be more cute," she said randomly.

   "I beg your pardon?"

   "She says your name in her sleep. She cries out and then wakes up."

    "I think you had enough for the day," David said, before things got too awkward.

   "Thank you, we will have your trial date soon," Barba said.

    "You really need to talk to her she needs you," Armanda said.

    "I think-"

    "Here is our address," Armanda said, writing it down on her colored paper. "Come after 8 that's when she's really horny-"

    "Okay! Armanda this is a professional setting! Let's go be unprofessional somewhere else!" David said, pushing Armanda out of the room.

    "I'm so sorry she is really taking this hard and is trying to distract herself," David apologized.

   "It's all right," Barba said, blushing.

   "But I guess really do come by when ever you like. Thank you," David said.

    "She's a character," Sonny said.

    "Yeah she is," Barba agreed.

He looked at the colored picture and it was just mostly soft then hard scribbles with an address above princess Jasmine's head.

     "At least she's working," Barba sighed.

    "Hey, she has a roof over her head and living with interesting people. You can stop by any time," Sonny said.

     "I guess so."

 

Eight thirty rolled by and Barba couldn't believe he was going to knock at her door. He collected himself for a couple seconds, took a deep breath, and knocked.

    "I'm getting the pizza! Oh, Mr. Barba!" Armanda answered.

     "I hope this is a good time-"

    "Best time! Pizza is coming in a bit! Come in!" Armanda smiled.

Their apartment was small, but not cramped. The kitchen and living room shared a space and they had a bar to dine on. You were faced profile wathcing tv with David.

     "Little birdie I got a present for you!" Armanda said.

     "Is it the cinnamon bread-oh..." you said.

David sighed and moved himself and his coffee mug towards what seemed to be a bedroom door. Armanda followed, hitting your ass playfully and winking to Barba.

     "Mr. Barba, would you like something to drink?" You asked, blushing from embarrassment.

     "No thank you," Barba said.

     "Are you here to talk about her case, Mr-"

     "Call me Rafael."

      "Ra- I want to keep this professional. You need to help Armanda," you said.

     "All right."

     "Why are you here?" You asked.

    "I wanted to see you," Barba said.

     "Oh... well... you saw me," you said, moving toward the refrigerator.

     "Did I do something wrong?" 

      "No. Now if you'll excuse me-"

There was another knock at the door and you sighed with relief. You opened it and payed the pizza man.

     "Here, let me help," Barba said, taking the top two boxes from you.

     "Is the pizza here?" David asked.

He grabbed a plate and handed it to Barba.

     "No thank you, I should be going-"

    "So? You two good?" Armanda asked, coming out of the room.

     "Did you- you don't need to fix my problems, Armanda!"

     "Please! You don't even deal with your problems unless you're drunk!"

    "Armanda! Not now! You need to focus on yourself-"

    "Y/n-"

    "I should go," Barba said.

    "Take the baggage with you," Armanda said, referencing you.

    "Fine! I'm going!"

    "I'm trying to help you! You deserve to be happy too! Take the damn help-"

    "This isn't helping!" You yelled.

   "I'll walk you out," David said to Barba.

He lead him out the door and sighed.

    "I'm sorry. The girls fight but not like this. Armanda really means well, she just doesn't know how to approach this," David explained.

    "So they always fight?"

    "Yeah, it's usually over the last slice of pizza or something. I'm sorry, I'll try to calm them down the best I can for all this."

    "Thank you."

    "She's just pushing you away because she wants Armanda's trial to go better than hers. She told me what happened and I saw in the papers all the garbage," David sighed again.

    "Right..."

   "I think she really likes you ... just give her time to heal. She really does cry out at night-"

   "Yeah, I know. She's afraid of the dark," Barba said.

    "Yeah," David snorted, "We bought her a night light. It's funny how at times she acts like a full adult and others she so..."

    "Innocent. She-"

    "She likes you. I can tell why now. Good night, Mr. Barba, " David said, going back to the choas in the apartment.

 

Barba went home with a headache not knowing how to feel. You must talked a great deal about him for them to make judgements. You cried out for him. He never expected that. He imagined you tossing and turning at night and saying his name as tears rolled down your cheeks.

You had a valid reason to be distant with him. He had a case to do and he most likely needed your testimony. But after that? Maybe you did like him. Barba realized you only told him your true feelings when you were drunk. You only kissed him when you were drunk. Armanda mentioned you had a problem.

Problems aside Barba called it an early night and hoped for his headache to go away in the morning.


	18. The Recording

 The trial was in a few days and it seemed to Barba that you have been prepping Armanda on your own. 

    "So do I have to be really specific about everything?" She asked.

    "If the question comes up and they ask for detail then yes. If not, all you have to say is he raped you and tied you up," Barba answered.

    "Great... so the rape kit and the video isn't enough?"

    "You have a solid case. I'm sure the jury will side with the evidence," Barba said.

Armanda leaned back in her chair and looked at Barba up and down.

    "I'm sorry for the other night. Y/n wanted me to tell you that. Now I can say I did."

   "I'm gonna ask you the same questions-"

   "She's never going to forgive herself unless you tell her," Armanda interrupted.

   "I'm sorry?"

   "Tell her you forgive her for ruining your career. She still beats herself over it. It'll help a little."

   "Why are so keen on helping her get over me?" Barba asked.

   "Not get over you. Just help live with herself. I just want a good night's sleep and prevent another episode-"

   "What episode?"

Armanda turned to the side looking like she said to much and sat up.

   "Are you going to ask me the questions again or what?" 

   "Right. Let's begin."

 

Barba sat in his office reviewing the evidence and looking at another disk that the kid from the club found of Armanda taking the drink and the girls arguing. The evidence was solid and the stories checked out. Later today he would be prepping you and he kept reminding himself to keep it professional.

 There was a knock at Barba's door and it opened before he could answer it. A familiar grin and slicked back greying hair entered Barba's office.

   "Mr. Barba!" Tootell greeted.

   "Hello again," Barba said.

    "I'm going to be representing Mr. Jetter! He wanted to switch lawyers last minute I do apologize. You know how clients are!" Tootell's eyes shifted to the evidence and the footage of the night.

    "I want to make a deal-"

    "Not interested. And I'm not interested in any threats either or pictures of me taken in my own home," Barba growled.

   "Mr. Barba, I come with a deal as a sort of an apology for the last trial. I'll have Mr. Jetter do time for the kidnapping and have him on the registry."

    "And? That's it? The evidence is solid he-"

   "He has an audio recording of her consenting. You really think a sex worker is going to miss an opportunity to earn some extra cash!" 

Barba was stunned. Of course this bastard had something! 

    "I know my client was a little grabby at the bar, but she knew what she was doing. So, about my offer?"

   "Let me hear the recording first," Barba said.

   "Of course! I'll give till the day before the trial to answer. It's not like the jury was going to believe two hookers anyway," Tootell said, handing Barba a flash drive.

Barba glared at him as he walked out with the same stupid grin on his face. Barba plugged the flash drive into his computer and listened.

   ' _Say you want me!'_

_'I want you... please-'_

_'Again!'_

_'Please... please... I want you'_

The audio stopped. It was clearly Armanda' s voice. Of course there was something like this. He quickly called Liv and Armanda arranging a meeting at his office right away. 

Liv showed up earlier and heard the recording. She was just as shocked as he was. 

   "How did he get this?" Olivia asked.

    "I don't know. Tootell said Martin had it," Barba said.

   "That creep again?"

    "Yeah. I don't know why he's helping that low life. But if there is evidence of her consenting-"

    "I want to hear her side first," Liv said.

 Armanda, David, and you entered Barba's office confused. Armanda looked like she just working out while David and you looked tired. 

   "Are you going to prep me?" You aksed Barba.

    "Not yet. Armanda are you sure you did not consent to Martin?" Barba asked.

    "What kind of question is that? Of course I didn't consent! He took me away and he forced himself into me!" Armanda shouted.

    "That's not what it sounds like," Barba said, playing the recording.

 Armanda' s face turned white. She sat down and her hand began to shake.

   "Armanda, it's okay," David said, holding his fiance' s shaking hand.

    "Is that it?" Armanda asked.

    "Yes, do you care to explain why you say different on the recording?" Barba questioned.

   "That's not her," you said.

    "Y/n don't lie. We both know it's her. Just explain why that's there," David said.

    "I didn't want you to hear that," Armanda said to David.

   "Why? Armanda they can use that against you-"

   "Against me? What do you mean? He threatened me! He put a knife to my throat and told me to beg! I told him to fuck off and he nearly slit my throat!"

   "You said the throat injury was from a rope when he tied you," Barba said.

   "I didn't want that recording to show up. But play the rest of it you can hear me cry out-"

   "That's all there is," Barba said.

    "What? No, there's more! I know there's more! I saw him record the whole thing and he would replay it-"

    "Why didn't you tell us this?" David asked.

    "I didn't want you to hear me say any of that. David I'm so sorry," Armanda apologized.

   "You said there's more?" Benson asked.

    "Yes. He recorded more I saw the screen on his phone. I'm not lying," Armanda said.

    "I'll get a warrant to get the rest of the recording, okay?" Benson said.

   "Come on, you guys need gelato and pizza. I'll save you some, Y/n when-"

    "I'll prep you tomorrow," Barba said.

   "All right. Come on-"

   "Can we talk to you for a minute?" Benson asked David.

    "Wait in the car. I'll be right there," David said to you and Armanda.

You took Armanda out of Barba's office and shut the door behind you. David sat down taking Armanda's spot. 

    "So?" David asked.

    "David, has Armanda ever lied to you or-"

   "She's not lying. She hides stuff sometimes,  but if there's more then there's more. She has this savior complex where she has to be the strong one and fight-"

   "And this is tearing her down?" Benson finished.

   "Exactly.  The truth comes out eventually. If you need more-"

   "We got it from here," Benson said.

   "All right. Thank you, I know you're doing the best you can," David said, rising from the chair. 

   "We will get back to you when we find the recording," Benson said.

 David left the office, taking deep breaths and trying to clear is head. Barba turned to Olivia who was trying to figure out whether to believe them or not. 

   "Let's find the rest of the recording," Benson said.

   "I'll get a warrant."


	19. Drained

 Amanda searched the phone for any more recordings, but all that came up was illegally downloaded music and the same recording from the flash drive. 

    "We have the knife it has Armanda's blood and Martin's finger prints," Olivia announced. 

    "I can't find anything on the phone besides the same recording. Either she's lying or they cut it and deleted the original file," Amanda said.

    "Do you think there's a way to recover it?" Fin asked.

    "Im on it," Amanda said.

     "Liv, the rape kit has his DNA and the story checks out-"

      "But the recording changes everything! If she said yes-"

      "There were drugs in her blood, everything is going to be fine," Sonny tried to reassure Olivia.

      "Let's just hope Barba can work with this."

   *dun dun*

You and Barba were alone in the courtroom. You twiddle your fingers and looked down the whole time as he asked you questions.

         "When she came home what was her state?" Barba asked.

         "She was a mess... she was crying half her clothes were gone and her wrists looked like they have been cut into by something.  And her throat looked bad too," you answered.  

        "Can you describe her throat injury more?"

       "Yeah, it looked like it was cut into... but she said it was rope. I didn't believe that, but she looked like she just escaped death so David and I took her to the hospital."

        "And what did she tell you happened?" 

       "Can we take a break? I feel dizzy," you said, scratching your wrist.

        "Of course, would you like water or-"

       "Water please!"

Barba helped you off the stand and to the court room seats he ran off to get water as you felt your forehead for a sudden fever. You felt sick and weak. Barba came back with a cup of water and examined your face.

You looked tired and a little pale. Sweat formed on your forehead and your breathing was heavy. 

         "If this is too much for you-"

         "I'm fine! Just needed to get off the stand. I'm just... I'm okay."

You couldn't make an excuse. All of this was really too much for you. You didn't think you could do this all over again. Barba stopped your hand from scratching your wrist again. It was becoming red and extremely irritated from you scratching away at the stand. 

           "I would say we can continue later, but we are running out of time," Barba said. 

           "I know... I'll be fine. What happened with that recording?"

           "We're doing the best we can... Y/n?"

          "Yes?"

          "You didn't.... I forgive you. And, I'm sorry. This case is going to be hard and I'm not going to lie they are probably going to bring up the other case and it's not going to be pretty. They are going to use our past and that recording against us but we're going to fight it. Okay?" 

          "Yes... I'm ready to go back on the stand".

 

You left the courtroom emotionally drained and ready for a nap. You missed Barba. You hated to admit it but you missed him. Maybe after the case you two could grab drinks and maybe catch up? No. You knew a high class guy could never look at you. 

The trial was nearing and you couldn't help but feel lost in all your emotions. There was too much of the past catching up and the present didn't seem real. You hoped everything would go right with the trial. You felt drained. 


End file.
